Begin Again

Begin Again

As time goes on,

It's hard to remember the bad,

You stop remembering what made you sad,

And you only remember what is gone.

You start to cry thinking about what was,

Thinking maybe you're still in love,

Maybe it was a mistake,

Maybe it's a phone call you need to make.

And in a moment of weakness,

You call them,

Hoping they answer with what your heart is seeking,

So, you can break down to them about all that you're feeling.

But even with the chemistry still present,

You begin to remember why it ended,

The problems that easily erose,

Slip off his tongue in normal convo.

Presenting me with the facts,

Of what’s the point reliving the past,

It's not productive,

Just something we have to live with,

But I kept on insisting,

As if it was going to change things.

But it was just a reminder above anything else,

There was a reason why I left based on how I felt.

He mentioned how the world favored my end,

As he was walking on uneven pavement,

Like I get everything I wanted,

And that is something that haunts him.

It was about everything that I had,

And everything he has lost,

As if every good thing for me was a stab,

And how the end of my relationship for me wasn't a dream squashed.

He made it crystal clear,

On how us dating again is out of the question,

That this will be used as a lesson,

That he will never call me dear,

Again.

I told him that I didn't get everything I wanted,

Because I wanted you,

The person I grew to know,

But somewhere down the road we lost it.

He followed by “that's why you will never have me”,

Because I will be that one thing you will never be able to achieve,

That you were the one that gave up,

And how any idea of us has sunk.

He tried to be nice,

but was throwing boulders,

Serving me with advice,

About how heavy the world is on his shoulders.

As if he lived in a tilted scale,

That because he was always casted as the antagonist,

For simply being a Caucasian male.

I know it hurt him that I was trying move on,

That even though my heart broke,

That I am not sitting sulking in the smog,

And that what we once had was gone.

He was trying to be respectful,

Of the grief and loss of our relationship,

I then realized he isn't what makes my heart full,

And we have to let go of all of it.

I built him up with telling him how handsome he is,

But burnt it all down with an angry endorsed comment

He’s holding on to more anger than he’ll admit,

About the fact that he holds resentment.

And once it's programmed in his head,

It will never go away,

His love was once there,

But his anger is what's here today.

I feel like our time has come to an end,

I have to completely let go of him,

And let him begin again.

So as sad as I am,

to hear and say goodbye,

His weight is no longer mine,

And it's time for me to let go

And shine on my own dime.