Anxiety's Grasp

It webs and crawls up my throat like a knife,

It claims my voice and invades my life,

It fidgets and festers, blisters and peels,

There is little to say, but it's all I feel.

A twisted stomach and bile throat

Sours every meal with their bloat.

I'm trying my best to be calm and smile

While inside I turn bruised and vile

As spiders clutter my brain with fear

Future threats loom close and near.

I grab a mask that I may proffer

Instead of showing my hearts offer

Of tears and sobs, words made curt

And shield me from things that hurt.

I'm shaking, I'm shutting down

And in my face forms a frown

But quickly it slips so as to not be seen

Far to secrecy of how I feel, I'm keen.

The tears I can't fight boil to the surface,

So I leave, I run, far from this place.

Sing to myself and find something sharp,

Press it to me skin, scratch like a harp.

Red welts, lines I make and wear

Gives me control, as the layers tear.

The spider settles, happy with red

Back to the house I must tread

Back to the rooms to where you drink

And I linger in the door, on the brink,

But I'll go through,

Straight back to you.

And the vomit returns so food loses taste

And everything made slowly turns to waste.