I'm so tired of anxiety
making me overthink, over-worry
it's like all logic is shut off
& there's no reasoning with your mind
my hands shake
heart races
gasping for air
avoiding eye contact
wishing i could avoid any contact
like maybe the world could tiptoe around me for once
so i don't feel like i wanna climb outta my own skin
will myself to disappear
every look
every whisper
makes me feel so insecure
it's so hard to explain
to understand
they must think im fucking crazy
am i crazy?
stumbling over my words
not able to look them in the face too long
it's torture
questioning their thoughts
which makes it worse
what kind of life is this
it's so hard to make friends
it's so hard to just fucking function
i just want a day of peace
some control
i feel so powerless over myself
like i'm stuck on some fucked up autopilot
watching the world go by
like everyone is smooth going trafic
& i'm some dumbass turtle trying to cross the road
it's gets exhausting
trying to compensate
& be at their level of norm
behind this calm or smiling face
i'm crumbling
or my thoughts are going a mile a minute
i didn't hear half of what you said
cause i'm in panic mode
for no reason at all
& if i feel your the slightest bit rude
or irritated at me
i will wallow in the replay of it
for days!
if something goes wrong
i have no relief till i figure out how to fix it
if even my daily plans aren't met with how i thought it out in my head
i'm completely thrown off or stressed
it sounds ridiculous
i know it is
i tell myself it is
but at much as i wish
it doesnt make it go away
my only reassurance
is that i only it will pass for a sort while
there's no way to describe
the horrid feeling it gives you
that waves over you
emotionally & physically crippling
i wish it on no one
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