Anxiety

I'm so tired of anxiety

making me overthink, over-worry

it's like all logic is shut off

& there's no reasoning with your mind

my hands shake

heart races

gasping for air

avoiding eye contact

wishing i could avoid any contact

like maybe the world could tiptoe around me for once

so i don't feel like i wanna climb outta my own skin

will myself to disappear

every look

every whisper

makes me feel so insecure

it's so hard to explain

to understand

they must think im fucking crazy

am i crazy?

stumbling over my words

not able to look them in the face too long

it's torture

questioning their thoughts

which makes it worse

what kind of life is this

it's so hard to make friends

it's so hard to just fucking function

i just want a day of peace

some control

i feel so powerless over myself

like i'm stuck on some fucked up autopilot

watching the world go by

like everyone is smooth going trafic

& i'm some dumbass turtle trying to cross the road

it's gets exhausting

trying to compensate

& be at their level of norm

behind this calm or smiling face

i'm crumbling

or my thoughts are going a mile a minute

i didn't hear half of what you said

cause i'm in panic mode

for no reason at all

& if i feel your the slightest bit rude

or irritated at me

i will wallow in the replay of it

for days!

if something goes wrong

i have no relief till i figure out how to fix it

if even my daily plans aren't met with how i thought it out in my head

i'm completely thrown off or stressed

it sounds ridiculous

i know it is

i tell myself it is

but at much as i wish

it doesnt make it go away

my only reassurance

is that i only it will pass for a sort while

there's no way to describe

the horrid feeling it gives you

that waves over you

emotionally & physically crippling

i wish it on no one