Another Day

I feel so numb

What you’ve said to me makes me feel so dumb

No one will love someone so fat

That’s what you’ve told me

I mean who does that?

You’re my mother, you’re supposed to protect me

But instead you talk and make fun until you break me

Now I’m broke, broke beyond repair

I sit in therapy every week with a voice of despair

Just trying to feel something real

Just trying to make things clear in my mind

But I can’t

Between the constant murmur of you and the reminder of what he did

I sit and stare trying to figure out exactly what I did wrong

I try and write these songs

just trying to figure out where I belong

Trying to distract me from the fact that I’m not who I’m supposed to be

And I blame HIM for that.

You see even though your voice is strong in my head

And everywhere I go my mind keep reminding me I’m dead

He’s the one who’s caused the most pain.

He’s the reason I’ve gone insane

I wanna forget and pretend this never happened

And the sad thing is my mind has that memory wrapped up tight.

You see, I don’t remember the details but that memory is still there

And for some reason

I. Still. Fight

To find it

To open it

To know what’s true

It’s been over 20 years since he did his deed

Now I sit every night and with God I plead

Why, why me and why does this still hurt

After all this time I still feel like dirt.

God teach me to forgive

I know he hasn’t thought any more of it

While I’m over here messed up daily.

I’m over it.