ANOREXIA

I don't remember when I met you first,

Maybe when I was seven and my teacher called me chubby,

She said out of affection,

All that I felt was a bit confusion.

Maybe I met you when I was ten,

In a swim party,

Surrounded by skinny bodies.

I was thirteen and got my first compliment,

"Maybe you should loose a bit of weight",

"Those jeans seem to be crushing your waist".

I was fifteen and took part in my first dance,

"Don't dance, people will glance",

The laughter died out but those words echoed.

I don't remember how I met you,

But I remember how you made me feel.

Maybe it was on a Sunday morning,

When I was scrolling through the vogue.

It started simply, cutting calories and skipping meals,

Drinking water and green tea,

Chocolates took a back seat,

My diet became solely liquid.

Your beginning marked my end,

But I didn't care,

I just wanted to be skinny.

Collar bones,

Hip bones,

A flat stomach.

No more chubby cheeks.

You lived within me and controlled me,

You and I were intertwined.

You commanded and I followed,

You came to take my pounds,

Instead took my years,

You wanted to affect my layers of fat,

Instead affected my vital organs.

Counting calories,

Burning them,

Obsessing with pounds,

It all starts with just a wish,

A wish to be skinny.

Ten years and I started gaining,

I was anxious,

I was terrified,

Not of those numbers on scale

But you visiting me again.

I was so trapped in this twisted form of beautiful,

I overlooked how sick I looked.

I am messed,

I am healing,

Oh Anorexia! Never meet me again.