Animal Control

by Cassandra Rose about a year ago in heartbreak

'I've had dreams of you straddling me with a knife held to my throat.'

Animal Control

I saw a bird die within a man's gloved hand

I pictured myself as such, lifeless and still

I wish he wore gloves when I died within his hands so

his veins wouldn't touch mine

so he wouldn’t have passed his infection of insecurities and

inconsistencies into my blood

I wish he wore gloves when I died within his hands so

I wouldn't tremble at the feeling of rough callused fingertips

so I wouldn’t feel them tightly sliding around my wrists as I tried

to escape his warpath

I made love to you

I made love to you after you begged to be inside of me

I made love to you after I was scared you would hit me if I didn't listen

I made love to you after I tried to ignore you justifying reasons of how

worthless and insignificant I am

Your father would hit you

Your father would hit you and make you ashamed of the skin you wore

Your father's abuse didn't make it okay

I've had dreams of running away from you

I've had dreams of getting ten feet from you until you dragged me back by my hair

I've had dreams of you straddling me with a knife held to my throat

I've adapted to my surroundings

I've adapted to feel I'm going to die by a man's gloveless hand so I stray from a lover's touch

I've adapted to feel the actions of a gender are consistent so I guard myself through harsh words yet none at all

I've adapted to feel my body is disposable so I slash my fingernails at my flesh until I see myself wasting away

I never can classify this as assault for I muttered the three letter word for consent

I saw a bird die within a man's gloved hand

its neck dangled to one side and it no longer put up a fight

How funny it was to see a bird die within a man's hand

You clenched your hand around my throat and I could no longer fly

heartbreak
How does it work?
Read next: I Am A Bullet.
Cassandra Rose


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