Animal Control
'I've had dreams of you straddling me with a knife held to my throat.'
I saw a bird die within a man's gloved hand
I pictured myself as such, lifeless and still
I wish he wore gloves when I died within his hands so
his veins wouldn't touch mine
so he wouldn’t have passed his infection of insecurities and
inconsistencies into my blood
I wish he wore gloves when I died within his hands so
I wouldn't tremble at the feeling of rough callused fingertips
so I wouldn’t feel them tightly sliding around my wrists as I tried
to escape his warpath
I made love to you
I made love to you after you begged to be inside of me
I made love to you after I was scared you would hit me if I didn't listen
I made love to you after I tried to ignore you justifying reasons of how
worthless and insignificant I am
Your father would hit you
Your father would hit you and make you ashamed of the skin you wore
Your father's abuse didn't make it okay
I've had dreams of running away from you
I've had dreams of getting ten feet from you until you dragged me back by my hair
I've had dreams of you straddling me with a knife held to my throat
I've adapted to my surroundings
I've adapted to feel I'm going to die by a man's gloveless hand so I stray from a lover's touch
I've adapted to feel the actions of a gender are consistent so I guard myself through harsh words yet none at all
I've adapted to feel my body is disposable so I slash my fingernails at my flesh until I see myself wasting away
I never can classify this as assault for I muttered the three letter word for consent
I saw a bird die within a man's gloved hand
its neck dangled to one side and it no longer put up a fight
How funny it was to see a bird die within a man's hand
You clenched your hand around my throat and I could no longer fly
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