And So I Did

i.

sweet honeyed blood

and dagger-glares

and a door slammed just too softly—

i lay on the floor,

choking on my desire,

realizing my failure

and my success.

rope-bridges snap

and topple

and are lonely

lonely

lonely.

tile is cold on weak knees.

the only option left

was to move forward.

and so i did.

ii.

anger is red

and wet

and suffocating.

paperclips and needle snips

and remember

remember

remember

your lines.

am i not an actor?

i scribbled it all out

in red, red ink.

to err is human.

the future lay unabandoned

and promising.

the only option left

was to move forward.

and so i did.

iii.

"i care too much,"

i tell her,

"it is all too beautiful

it kills me

and revives me

all at once.

how can i be

fixed?"

she was a lotus flower,

i a simple seed.

"a little water,

a little sunlight,"

she said.

"you do not need fixing,

but cultivation."

i looked down at my lack of roots.

"but what if i fail?"

she said nothing,

and she did not need to.

the only option left

was to move forward.

and so i did.

iv.

sunrise on the violet garden.

peach light

and honeybees.

still restless,

still stagnant,

still growing—

but sprouted

and stable

and loved.

a violet caresses me,

she kisses my mouth

and says

"we exist."

and i am warmed

by her affirmation.

there are other paths,

there are other options.

but growth never truly ends.

the only option left

is to move forward.

and so i do.