An Impatient Heart (Um Coração Impaciente)
Listen to the Sound of Anxiety
The sun’s waking brings that odious sound to my ears,
Calm but loud...
As my heart wakes up, so do my greatest fears
(Here we go again)
Looking at my first meal, it’s not enough
Sleeping hours are never enough
Encumbered in textbooks because studying is never enough
A's and 4.0s aren’t nearly enough
Graduating isn’t close to enough
My value isn’t high enough until I earn that piece of paper
It’s not enough to be afraid of corporate chains
The dreaded days of spawning spreadsheets until I can’t Excel anymore
Fearing the hours of prepping presentations until I lack the power to point out the exit
Cowering from the minute the system becomes my defining core
(Stop beating so hard, dammit)
Scrolling through my phone, flipping through apparels
Because one’s never enough
shifting trends ensure we never keep up
fluorescent panels and money whisperers saying I’ll never have enough
yet they remain huffing and puffing because reality is not enough
Sipping and gurgling because reality is too tough
Witness!
The culminating effect of strong forty percent spirits breaking hopeful zero percent spirits
I’m still praying to someone, but that’s not enough
I keep paying the church
As my pastor keeps yelling “it’s not enough brothers and sisters!”
“Tekimala baganda bange!”
It’s not enough for my new Mercedes
It’s not enough to pay my children’s never-ending fees
(Slow down. My chest hurts.)
The people keep screaming because enough is enough
But the authority remains taking because our fear wasn’t enough
For God and my country has lost it’s power
With the flag’s colors spilling into each other:
Yellow strokes drowning black with heavy shades of red
A master stroke from an artist who paints change with lead
Then parades his masterpiece to the East in search of the highest bidder
As his pockets get thicker,
Like a leaf plucked from the dry heat of winter
Our wallets fall and dry out then slowly start to wither.
(I can't breathe)
A poetic revolution might not be enough
If our eyes remain shut from gas canisters.
Stealing our tears will never be enough
When the truth and change will have you hushed.
Stealing our tears will never be enough
When our biggest concern shifts to debt from road dust.
Stealing our tears will never be enough
When stepping up will have you thrust
From a misplaced trust in authority
to nothing but a dull blade in the diffused majority
Caught in this entangled web of deceit
Mangled in slivers of anxiety
In search of that golden ticket
But being a square like everyone is not enough
So you morph into a circle repeating the same vicious cycles
to never change shape again.
Repeat and recycle could never be enough.
Staying cautious is not enough.
Hospitals and radiation were not enough...
(This pain... it feels good.)
Working hard will have you undone
Single mothers working hard to raise their sons
Because they know we’re the gifted ones prophesied to bring back their youthful laughter.
(Settle down)
E eu a realizar que (And I noticed)
Talvez eu nao sou sufficiente para ti (Maybe I'm not enough for you)
Quando eu nem sei o que é suficiente para mim. (When I don't know what's enough for me)
My greatest mistake was trying to blend in
Sweet and sour flowers couldn’t calm this rugged soul
Because it’s heavy,
(Breathe..)
The anxious heart patter
Beating through chests
Coated with currency and shrouded in social mechanics
Hiding the fact that it’s love they’re chasing after
Arms out hoping you can reach
But all I hear is your solemn rattle hissing,
Twisting,
My heart like a deadly knot,
So now I’m caught between running through eight worlds like a Mario brother
Level by level,
Jumping and ducking through trouble and infinite puzzles in search of that significant other
Pressing restart at game over instead of pressing cancel
knowing damn well she’s always hiding another castle.
Lord knows I’ve never been a fighter
But it’s enough knowing that without me, your smile burns even brighter
(Fast, beats the heart of a liar.)
I’ll keep on smiling, only this time even wider
Because I’ve seen the angel that makes my heart beat a little lighter
Who knew that eight worlds and those eight words never meant happily forever after
Misery in a life of a happily never after
Searching for a meaning that’s true
In the end, doesn’t matter
Until you feel your heart patter with exuberant bliss
Knowing that you’re enough for you.
The same you who smiled in the face of disaster
(Yes, he did)
The you who beat death in a staring contest
(Yes, I did)
The outrageous you who said “no I’m going to be different”
(Yes, she did)
The splash of color you, washed in a sea of grey matter
(Forever standing out like a sore pimple)
The unchangeable you waiting to be painted like a brand-new canvas
(I'll paint my own picture)
The grounded you who keeps rising
Forever anxious.
About the Creator
Adam Khamis
A truth speaker, a thought changer, change provoker. A poet, artist & entrepreneur building a new mindset for those searching for one.
Instagram: ikifar_
Wake Up: Thoughts From An African Mind Liberated: https://amzn.to/2AtlPSc
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