An Evening with Jack Frost

‘Twas a warm and bright November day,

I stood, admiring the Christmas display.

Out for a walk, all by myself,

I thought I heard the voice of an elf.

I felt a hand tap on my back,

And turned to see my old friend Jack.

It’d been so long since I’d seen his face,

I pulled him into a warm embrace.

*

He invited me out to have a brew,

Which quickly turned to twenty-two.

We were feeling tipsy as the night grew cold,

Knowing neither could drive us home.

We called on Rudolph for a ride,

And with a whip, we slapped his hide.

Off he flew into the air,

Twisting, turning everywhere.

*

When Rudolph took a sharp curve round,

Old Jack fell crashing to the ground.

I screamed at Rudie to slow the sled down,

To search for my friend upon the lawn.

We looked and looked the whole night through,

So long, we knew not what to do.

‘Twas just past dawn when we spotted Jack,

Stretched out, naked, on his back.

*

The glistening ground gave me a hunch

That he had surely purged his lunch.

I tried to peel him off the grass,

But stuck, he was by the cheeks of his ass.

He blew a fart that loosed the grip,

Then rolled around in a laughing fit.

I pulled him up onto his feet,

He crashed back down on a blanket of sleet.

*

He kept on laughing, harder still,

Each breath of air a frigid chill.

The lawn was covered in crystal flakes,

A tiny chipmunk, frozen in place.

“Jesus, Jack. Look what you’ve done.

“Get up, you drunken son-of-gun.

“Put your clothes on,” Rudolph scoffed.

“Hurry, before your pecker freezes off.”

*

I started to laugh, as I stood right there,

With the drunken elf and pissed-off reindeer.

“Don’t you laugh, you silly old fool.

“For this is surely your fault too.

“Help me get him in the sleigh

“And then we will be on our way.

“I guess I should be grateful this time,

“When last you were together, it snowed in July.”