An Astronaut

I realized that day I wasn’t Pluto

And you weren’t the sun

You were just an asteroid posing as one

And when I looked down at my hands I realized, with suit and mask, I was just an observer, a simple human

We are nothing more and nothing less

Two beings, simple entities, in the same plane of existence

But those moments weren’t figments

Unless you want me to believe this

Because for a moment I thought it could have been

Like a serendipity that lies within,

Too similar, but opposites

Why did I do that, why did I trust it?

Then again, maybe it was the crowd

The asteroids that surround

Making me believe in this, “the right here and now”

But why did you do this?

And why did my heart give in?

I knew I could get burned by the sun

I was prepared for this

But asteroids plummet and become star dust

A lesson I can’t learn again because I’ve already lost so much

They burn brightly for a moment but then they die

And this thought hangs on my mind and I cry

I hold out a hand with words that scream try

And you let every word pass you right by

I see you rocketing towards that orb headed for that path

And I have to back up and look away, please, I can’t see you crash

A beautiful orb burning a crimson gold wiping away the person and the ghost I had once known

You are red, white, and turning a fiery hue

But when I met your eyes that day it all turned blue

Maybe I’m not patient enough

If I just wait, I’ll see that he’s a sun

Or maybe my inner child is done, she no longer feels safe when they come

She says, “Go away, It’s all too much”

It’s not a matter of time being wasted

My time is yours and so is the energy

But what you can’t take away, please, what you can’t waste is my love

Make me believe in something to get a high, to feel alive, and leave a heart that’s gushing one that you’ve opened wide

Then hide behind words that don’t meet your actions

Like you can walk away unscathed from this quiet disaster for just one thing…

Was I simply a confidence boost?

It’s nothing new

It seems to be my lot in life,

So instead of feeling nothing, I’ll let the aorta ooze

It paints a new constellation, a new galaxy of hues

Filling the cracks with more than just gold, copper, and ore

Creating a muse that one day I’ll find peace in and adore

Because there goes two-thirds of one heart and now you’ve stolen the “sun”

So, what else does he want?

What more can he throw at me before I’m done?

Yes next time, “i’lL hOld BaCK mY lOVe”

But I’m so tempted to just cut out my soul, mirroring the only cold I’ve ever known

But “wE’re gEtTinG bEttER, nOT WOrsE”

And its another lesson I’ll have to learn

So, in short:

I don’t hate you,

My heart wants you more than you know

But if this is all fake, just a temporary thing,

I can’t trust it just to watch you burn.