An Absence of All Colour

This poem might require you do to some work.

That's ok.

It should take work to understand someone else.

Thank you.

For doing the work.

The next me might not have to do it alone.

The flag above is the demisexual flag. It represents the demisexual identity, which is part of the LGBTQA+ community. Please note, about the flag:

• the black stands for asexuality (feeling/experiencing no sexual attraction)
• the purple represents community (a place where people who are unique don't have to feel so alone)
• the grey represents grey sexuality (being in-between asexual and sexual identities)
• and the white represents sexuality (feeling and experiencing sexual attraction and desire)

The flag was created to represent the demisexual identity which does not feel or experience sexual attraction unless certain circumstances (namely, emotional connection) are met. Demisexual people may or may not experience or desire to experience sexual attraction or connection. They may or may not have or desire intimate romantic or sexual relationships. Demisexual people may or may not know that's what they are, yet. They may or may not feel like something is wrong with them when each year passes and they still haven't had their first kiss. They may or may not have experienced feeling different or broken when surrounded by sexually normative friends. They may or may not have been searching for an answer for a long time only to have just found it. And those last ones may or may not just be me.

The Absence of All Colour - A Poem

What if

What if what i am is

an absence of colour?

We sit on the floor

red wine spills marking

tangled limbs

and they

whisper

of passion

stained purple on lips

stories told, affairs untangled

of heat

and sweat

touching

hips

What if

What if what i am is not

temporar…ily black?

We sit on the floor

my glass of

red wine

untouched

my lips

unstained

and silent

i have

no stories to share

i have

no kisses

touches

sweat and heat

to tell

What if

What if what i am is

a kind of broken

that can’t be fixed?

We sit on the floor

they try

to include me

in their colour

her staircase tryst

a blazing sun of yellow

too strong

to keep indoors

her sprouts of spring green

a question in the eyes

of another girl

she might chance to answer

her experience

of years beyond our own

a lavender field of memories

lover’s hands in her’s

the sweet smell bringing a smile

to her lips

her icy blue

of desire unmet

the ocean waves echoing

her elemental ‘no’

the unquenchable depths

of her knowledge

that she will always be

desired

my pink

of blushes on cheeks

rose of youth

not meant to age

to where

i

am

What if

What if where i am is

where i will always have to be?

We sit on the floor

empty glasses

gossiping to tomorrow

about all the

stories we

had to

tell

tonight

except

except mine

What if

What if what i am is

an absence of all colour?

What if

What if all i am

is a colour most people can’t see?

We sit on the floor

and they

they tell stories

that don’t include

me

and me

I sit on the floor

and i

i wonder if something is

wrong

in me

But

What if

What if the absence of all colour

was white

and what if

since that is true

i could be

too?