Amur Leopard

Third and final for today. Posting more tomorrow. If you have enjoyed any of these, please do consider doing me a favour and checking out my latest competition entry: Dinner, 4AM. Thank you!

Ladies and Gentlemen,
we gather today
for poor uncle Leonard,
too soon passed away.

And while there were many
who thought him a quack
for his penchant for wild beasts
He was a sweet, caring chap

who loved all his pets equal,
and cared greatly for each one,
from his glowworm (named Cornell)
to his leopard (named John).

He took them for walks,
and played with them daily.
He cleaned out the cat box,
and did it all gaily.

‘Til last Sunday, so tragic,
he woke to the sound
of a roar like a chainsaw
and a groaning profound.

It was John, from the kitchen,
looking forlorn,
having swatted Len’s hedgehog (Penny)
for a pawful of thorns.

“Don’t worry, don’t fret,”
Len whispered to John,
“We’ll take you to the vet,
and your pain will be gone!”

Now ladies and gents,
I don’t know if you’ve ever
shut a cat in a crate -
’tis a scary endeavour.

One made all the more scary
when your moggy’s a cat
with the dextrous speed
of a razor-toothed,
knife-wielding,
acrobat.

So may his life be a lesson -
our poor Uncle Leonard -
Eaten by John,
his beloved pet leopard.

Leonard’s closest family would like to express that John should not be held in disregard for this unfortunate event. John’s actions were the result of extreme stress, and the family have been assured that the leopard has since changed his… habits.