After the Parade

In front of people, I don’t know

Strident and wearing a confident smile,

I hiked the rainbow event,

My first, my last, my marathon.

My face in the mirror is flushed,

Colored, with the excitement of the day.

My comfort zone, obliterated,

By walking in a city parade.

Praying the memory of this challenge faced,

Will hold me fast, as I reach out,

To the people that I’ve loved, before,

And, had to leave behind, to breathe.

I once told myself, that I didn’t care,

Left them blamed and then estranged.

But the ground of family tugs at me.

Now, can I close the gap, without breaking bones?

I am not sure of what I want, but can anticipate,

The words, expressions, and tears.

The faces, the body language, and the crying,

Hoping to see acceptance and understanding.

How do I hold my pride, in the face of their distress?

So similar to the anguish I’ve endured.

The effort of each dearly cost step laid bare,

As they greet the face I’ve hidden.

I know I’ll cause them shock and pain,

As their hopes and dreams are crushed.

I’ll have to stand proud and calm,

As they examine who I am.

The parade is over, now,

It’s just not enough for me.

I now have to walk the family line,

And reconnect my history.