across this ocean

I'm perfectly unhinged

and you don't get to see

that side of me

you don't deserve to see my

kintsugi pieces

finely meshed together

all the pieces that you scattered

I learned to finely seam back together;

all my jagged edges

catching sunlight in the gold

all my fucked up humor, quirks and random acts of love

you can glimpse them

from the little bottles

that I toss out to sea

and then maybe piece together

what you've lost of me

I don't resent you

I haven't even sent you across this ocean

No, you dug these trenches

and filled them with turned backs

and your empty words

and little hands

tugging at empty promises

and the last child waiting

never to be heard

I love you

I love you:

listen to those echoes across the void

That's all you get to hear

the rest is only a family

performing on a stage

and I won't live like this anymore

and you can keep validating

self importance

in photos

and in your gossip circles

spend your days and hours

telling everyone how good a nurturer you are

when we both know

that you never really knew me

-and with my brother it was never, ever this hard-

And

you would have rather had

anything else other

than a monster

you would have traded lies on top of lies

to trade in a broken puppet

for the apple of your eye

once

I would have given anything

to be your daughter

but now all I can give is my goodbye