Acid in my heart

Laying here in this bed alone wishing you were here…

I lay here on my bed but I lay on your side of the bed. I can’t cry anymore I just can’t. I’m to Fuckin numb to cry. Instead I light a candle in memory of you…. I lay here with the candle flickering away hoping that I can get some peace……

To work I go only to find people saying hey I know you from somewhere. Is it true? Have I made my way around the community? I don’t want to do this I’m sorry I don’t. Checking people out as I scan their food away. I only wish maybe you would’ve stayed…. They said get a job so I got a job, they said focus on you so I went to the gym. Doesn’t anyone realize breaking up is a slow and steady death?

It’s like a snake shedding skin….. it takes a long time to shed feelings, to shed love, to shed your other half? Maybe a few weeks, months years?

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you.wishing that you were still here and mine. Wishing that this shit wouldn’t constantly be on my mind.

ANGER

I’m mad yo. I’m mad at the fact that you can’t see my hurt? I’m mad at the fact that you can go this long while being torn apart. Don’t you think I miss you? Don’t you think that this is killing my heart? I’m mad at you but I don’t think I have a right to because I love you so much. You do nothing wrong in my eyes….

SAD

I’m sad you left,I’m sad you took your things and left. I’m sad to not see you everyday,I wish I would be like you and just allow my feelings to hit a wall….. I wish I wouldn’t cry, I wish I could just fall off the Fuckin bridge and pretend to die……

My love why can’t you see how much I’m hurting over you? How come I just can’t seem to get back together with you? Please if there’s anything I can do? Please my love let me know….

The slow and aching pain of heartbreak…. It’s almost a Fuckin month and it feels like yesterday you left. I can’t stop replaying the memories wherever I go. I wish someone would just hit me with a hard bat to make my memory fall apart. No one Fuckin gets it. I can’t say that enough. If it’s not happening to you it’s not enough…..

It’s so Fuckin weird because when I come home I secretly think you got into my apartment and are waiting for me on my bed passed out asleep like it used to be….. I sometimes think that you’ll knock on my door and surprise me saying let’s get back together…. I can’t stand when people talk in Yiddish it reminds me of you and your kind sweet words… I miss looking into your eyes staring at your long lashes and just thinking I’m the happiest girl in the world….. what a shame right? What a fucked up thing to think?

There’s not a morning where I don’t wake up wishing I got a text from you that’s says: Good morning beautiful girl. There’s not a second that goes by that I think omg did he text me? Some nights I’ll put your profile on my whatsapp and fall asleep when you’re online thinking you’ll text me. Again it’s fucked up…….

Like I said the slow and aching pain that no one will see behind my smile, behind my kindness. You gotta fake it till you make it right? At least that’s what people say. I honestly just want to sleep my days away. No one will ever stop the acid from leaking into my chest not even me. You could come catch the acid until there is no more. But that’s a fantasy by now so I guess I might as well close my eyes and pray you come rescue me from all this hell….