A Trial Run

Dear Guardian Angel,

I'm not sure what you did wrong to get saddled with me and all of my baggage. but it must have been pretty bad. My life has been nothing short of a shitshow, as I'm sure you are well aware.

It always has been, if I am honest. From the earliest days I can remember.

I pick and choose memories, remembering them as the best days, the good ol' days, but in reality, we were simply surviving. And you were there.

It wasn't until I was much older that I realized, what we did, what we saw, was not normal. As a kid, you don't have a clue that not everyone, in fact, most, would never experience what we did, and that it was not normal. And still you stayed with me.

Maybe I needed to experience those things to keep me sane as I went through the events that have taken place the past several years.

A trial run.

I am now able to give myself a bit of credit. Most people would have surrendered, quit, given up, after all of the things that happened. God knows I wanted to. But here I am.

I don't know what string, which thread, or what kind of hope kept me rolling out of bed and mimicking normal, day after day.

I guess that was you, thank you.

Somedays, I catch my reflection, and still see that little girl, hopeful, bold and stubborn. I wonder if she looks back and scoffs, disappointed at how I handled things, at who we've become.

I've got this to say to the two of you, just wait. I have no intention of giving up now. I am yet to be what I am meant to be. That day is coming.

Thank you for all of your hard work and prodding, it has been an investment, that soon, will pay off.

I hope you are proud.

Your work in progress -

K