A Nervous System on Fire

My blood hasn’t stopped dancing

since witnessing the boys on the train

scream slurs at a woman my age

for defending the man they were harassing.

My heart hasn’t stopped pounding

since finding out

that I am now in danger

thanks to the sins of my co-worker.

My thoughts haven’t stopped racing

since the bomb threat a few months ago,

or the shooting threat at my high school

and it’s accompanied 4-hour lockdown

back in 2018.

My eyes are eternally glued

to preside over my shoulder,

unable to look at anything else.

But Fear, who will have me believe

that I am in constant danger,

now finds itself at war with Guilt.

Because I recognize the privilege I have

of being able to breathe air,

that doesn’t contain mass casualties.

Because I am not the victim of war,

I have not lived through the atrocities

and horrors that others have.

Because I live in a bubble,

that for the most part,

remains un-popped most of the time.

But the violence I have experienced,

both towards me and around me,

refuses to go away.

So I suck it up

and learn to live

with a nervous system on fire