a n a p o l o g y

I honestly only have one major fear.

Although it isn’t of heights or of killer clowns, I wish it were that simple.

The only thing that scares me to death isn’t of death itself, but of dying without living a fulfilling life.

We are given one chance at this life.

With that being said, I want to give an apology

To myself.

I’m sorry that all these years, I’ve thought of nothing but less of you.

In my head, I blame others for treating you so badly, when I’m the one who’s treated you the worst.

I’ve let their voices drill uncertainty in your head.

And let them destroy the masterpiece that God had originally created.

I’m sorry for the sleepless nights that left you drowning in your own tears.

And all I did was hold your head under water.

I’m sorry that the scars that were healing in your head were reopened by my hand inflicting freshly, sliced wounds.

And that the only way to survive mental terror was to create a mark each time you felt pain.

I’m sorry for knowing how scattered your mind can be, but I continued to stir the pot that held your darkest thoughts, so fast that I formed a tornado that was on the path to destroy you.

And for the moments you’ve wondered what the world would be like without you.

The trial and errors of attempting to delete your existence from the universe.

I deeply apologize.

I want you to know that you are more than the battle scars you’ve left upon yourself.

You are not defined by a single human being, let alone a man that was only satisfied by a cookie cutter spouse and a pot of gold that was far beyond his reach.

Your purpose is more than to wear a jewel on your left hand, birth another generation of life, and wait until the angel of death comes knocking at your door.

You’re meant to chase your dreams to the end of the earth.

As others are afraid to take that step, you must dive in head first.

Do not let thoughts of depression and anxiety pull you six feet under, but let it launch you into the sky where your own personal heaven awaits.

And every time the sun sets, let it be a reminder that there’s beauty in letting go.

Because another atmosphere of shooting stars and constellations are at hand.

Let the universe show you that there will always be more to discover.

instagram: @madelenawanders

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