A million apologies

I know I’ve said these two words a little too much,

After my multiple failures and multi destructs,

Always feeling that you’ll walk away,

Worried about the causes of your pain.

I am untrusting if the world we lead,

Even untrusting of the air I breathe,

Any which way I choose to turn,

My thoughts on my mind of negativity and alert.

What I’m trying to say in so many ways,

Is how sorry I am of the way I behave,

Not mentally growing to be better,

Only growing much more bitter.

A million apologies for everything I have done,

Not wanting to lose my only one,

Finding ways of making things right,

Fearing the day that you will ride deep into the night.

A million ways of telling you I care,

Only to find myself in utter despair,

Begging you to please give me a chance,

But knowing it’ll always be the same dance.

I’ve promised to change time and time again,

I know what I have to do is abstain,

Abstain from ever doing wrong,

To the only man I’ve truly love.