A Fool Amongst Fools

I wish neither of us ever even had to suffer this life.

Let alone those you wrote into it.

It’s all so senselessly sad.

The wind blows as our young run and play laughing and dancing

joyfully and unaware of the tragedy of their life.

But I see now our life as only a dance to death.

If only I were a fool perhaps I could be happy for them

or if I still looked up to God I could see his hand over them.

Instead it’s as if I see the world through only the lenses of my eyes

and not the farces of our lives.

Our love though the only truth I thought I understood

as it were seems to have been uncovered as one of these farces.

To what length would you have gone?

Ever expanding the pain and destruction you were planting.

I do commend you perhaps only for your endurance.

Each day simply one more toxin dispensed into the past.

Something to pervade through our souls.

“You don’t have to tell them the truth.” She says.

“Only that things didn’t work out. You’re killing me,

driving me towards this, pushing me away”

Telling our truth is simply a means of expelling the pain from me —

coughing it forth as if it were blood, violently trying to escape my infectious

body.

Not a choice.

Waiting for someone to take me hold and see how close to death I am.

Instead they walk by not as if I were not in a ward but rather already a grave.

Passers by simply observing just watching.

The curtain attempts to draw from time to time

only to catch a snag on one or another of them.

Our young enjoy the game of playing with the ropes

running it to and from as if they were our lives stagehands.

If only I were a fool perhaps I could be happy again.

Not paining nor fleeting from life.

Not empty nor like the shadow of a mannequin.

If only I were a fool perhaps I would have held things together

and died slowly inside like you.

Perhaps I am a fool, after all I did believe you.

I suppose there are fools even amongst fools.

Now that our lives are over we can began our dance towards death.

Even fools sometimes dance.

-JM