21/30 fragmented

"if i could hold you until you stopped shaking with doubt, fell asleep in my arms, and kiss your smile awake every morning i would"

i had to write that down

put it on a Post-It Note

stick under the window sill

over my bed

to remember the words of adoration you uttered to me

the last time we spoke

they told me after the rupture you were there

kissing and proclaiming your Love for me

into my bandaged forehead

someone snapped a picture of that tender moment

i had to save that picture

in my cell phone

put it in a folder

along with the other pictures i have of you

so i am reminded of us as a Loving unit

the rupture fragmented my memory

so i feel a lot of things

that i am not sure if i told you

i scribble them down in a journal

keep it by my bed and check them off as i go

because i don’t want to ever forget to tell you

that i Love you

i am here for you

with open arms

and a sincere heart

i muttered the words “i Love you too, woman”

over and over again

until they became a lullaby or nursery rhyme

“all the king’s horses and all the king’s men”

until they became committed

to my fragmented memory

and i no longer needed it

on a Post-It Note

so please forgive me

if i ask for reassurance repeatedly

don’t disregard it as i’m

“just being a woman”

see, i feel a lot of things

that i am not sure if i asked you

and

until i remove the last Post-It Note

or they put humpty dumpty back together again

my memory is fragmented

but i remember that i Love you

and that if you could kiss my smile awake every morning

you would