12 Years a Slave -Now Free

I bought tobacco a beautiful tin, an accessory to glamourise my shameful sin

I had a beautiful lighter that looked rather regal and hand rolled typically with something illegal

I bought my own papers that were organic and thin and kept them all together in that beautiful tin.

It travelled with me everyday, journeyed everywhere, to allay

any slight perceived stress, which at one time was every hour or less.

And like all addicts I thought I was tobacco’s keeper, which is amusing somewhat, given the fear felt when it wasn’t near

It was a gradual opening of my eyes that helped to see my own web of lies

Lies about not smoking all that much, or using it as an emotional crutch

Lies about how it didn’t matter either way

Lies I told myself everyday

Lies about how I enjoyed the taste

Lies about how it didn’t ruin the skin on my face

Lies about how easily I could stop

Lies I told myself in every shop

Until the day I was talking to a friend, about his drug and alcohol addiction again,

I told him if he loved himself, he would take far better care of his health,

I told him if he loved the people around him, he would care for his body again,

I knew I was right, it was easy to see, which is exactly when he turned my words on me,

“How can you say that when you still smoke? It’s not much different to an occasional line of coke”

And in that second I knew he was right, I couldn’t escape my own words that night

To consider myself loving I couldn’t continue to smoke, for each time I did, I was triggering others to toke

I burst into tears because in that moment I knew, I finally had to face this absolute truth

Smokers aren’t truly loving - it’s not possible to be, for it’s a form of self harm that others can see

And monkeys do what monkeys see, monkeys copy so easily

So whether I trigger a friend or a stranger, I had to accept I was encouraging others towards danger,

And what of children that watch me inhale? The thought of that made me severely pale

That’s not love, it’s not even close, so I now had to choose which I valued the most

The tobacco or my value of love, it wasn’t even a choice when push came to shove

And since that night I’ve never smoked it again, I had too much to lose and nothing to gain

And I thank my past self in every way, for doing that hard work that I benefit from today

I had used a vape to transfer the addiction, after two weeks removed the nicotine to kill that affliction,

I would occasionally smoke a blue lotus roll, if cravings were desperate and I was scared to fall

and after two months of inhaling sweet glycerin vapour, suddenly I was awakened to this insane caper

I still remember my utter confusion, why was I inhaling this strange infusion?

no longer under nicotines grip, everything in my life began to flip,

So on that day, I threw my vape away

And that’s the story of why I stopped smoking, and how I got free of the nicotine potion