10 yrs!

~ 10 years ~

For 10 years

I lied next to that man

For 10 years

I believed his lines,

For 10 years

I was locked away inside,

I couldn’t be me;

For 10 years he touched me

and told me of his love

without any show of support.

I couldn’t live Romantically... (what’s that?)

Sometimes I would lie there numb

And hope that he would notice,

but he never did... He just went till he was done

leaving me there to feel like death?

I want to know what it’s like

to enjoy what I feel, instead of all the filth

that dominated my sexual world.

There was a whole other side to me

that I was never free to be,

shut down at every effort made to communicate

the anger never ended...

I always felt suspended

when the darkness lived inside;

Still... he never realized, through the tears I cried

and the pleeze to make him stop.

I was living in a mind field

Never knowing when he’d go off...

Even when I thought out what I wanted to say,

He could find a way to cause a war

that could not be escaped...

It took 10 years to stand up for who I wanted to be

For 10 years I lied next to him... crying for help,

then I realized you first have to get out.

Now I’m reconditioning the damage that was done

I’m learning to smile... once in awhile,

I walked barefoot through the grass...

reminding me of how good life feels;

As I learn to live again

for 10 years a future of my own... was ‘never’ in my site,

Now it’s never–ending opportunities

that are layed out before me, as I move along...

Growing strong in the light

Everyone deserves a good life!