Teaching Me To Live Again

Maybe it sounds cliché to most to say that my dog saved my life, but there's no better way for me to explain it. I know for most to comprehend that is going to take some downright good explaining on my end and some extra special understanding on yours. It's not as though she saved me in the traditional sense, of pulling me from a burning building or rescuing me from the deep depths of a roaring waterfall, but nonetheless, she saved my life.

River came into my life just two short months before I was injured in a work accident that left me with less than 50% feeling in both of my legs. It took almost 3 months for me to finally undergo my first surgery on my back and I would end up having another one just a short month and a half later, leaving me in a large amount of pain and wondering whether my life was ever going to return to "normal" again. I not only struggled to do daily tasks for myself such as dishes and laundry, but I struggled to even have enough energy to keep up with my own hygiene as using the bathroom was such a painful ordeal.

I slipped into a slow dark depression, being isolated during the pandemic and having undergone two major surgeries, which only somewhat relieved my symptoms, I struggled to even have a small sense of normalcy. I was beginning to start to give up on life. I began to let the laundry pile up and quit evening brushing my hair. I felt my sense of self slip away. I wanted to give up; I didn't want to live anymore.

The change came when I was crying one morning, laying in bed wondering if I would be better off just letting myself die. River quietly crawled her way over to me, leaning up against my back and laying her head gently on mine. She just laid there, not expecting anything. After a good five minutes had passed, she nudged me gently and I rolled carefully out of the bed. She hopped off the bed and looked back, expectantly waiting for me to follow her. At that moment, I figured either I was going crazy, or my dog was taking control of bringing me out of the funk I had fallen into. Not really caring if I was crazy or not, I decided to follow her. She made her way into the bathroom and waited for me.

From that day forward, River has become inseparable from me. My loneliness slowly began to fade. How can one be lonely when you have a dog looking out for you every single day? I'm not sure if she knows that she saved me or not, but I can't even begin to thank her. No amount of her favorite duck toys or peanut butter parties will ever be able to repay her for saving me from my own mind.

She is with me every day, whether it's riding in the truck to go into town or sitting at home at my feet in my home office. If it wasn't for her, I would have fallen into a very deep and dark pit in my own head. She gave me the strength to get out of bed that one day, and every day since. If I could have her live forever, there's not a question in my mind I would, but with that said, I know the time with her, I have to make count.

She's 18 months now. She's helped me heal and has made my recovery one that has surprised even the specialist that worked with me. River made sure I was getting up to walk everyday and that I was sticking to my exercise routine. With covid, I had been unable to attend physical therapy and so, she became my physical therapist. We walked every day and slowly my foot drop and tripping became less and less. I now, even though I have minimal feeling in my left foot, don't trip near as often as in the beginning. She has helped me regain the confidence and has helped me get my life back. I even took her on my first bird hunting trip since my accident and I cannot even begin to describe how alive I felt to be able to do things that I hadn't done since the accident.

I know that if I didn't have River, I wouldn't be here today. She saved me from myself. I could cry and she still accepted me. I could get angry and throw things and she would still accept me. She accepted me in spite of myself. Her love knew absolutely no boundaries. She didn't quite loving me when I didn't brush my hair or shower for a week. She loved me through all of those moments. I'll never forget her climbing into the shower with me and sitting under the water with her head rested on my shoulder as I sat crying on the floor. She loved me through the darkest of times without ever giving up on me.

Some may say, it's just how you perceive those things, it wasn't that she did anything special for you. And you know what, maybe so. Maybe everyone has a dog that has saved them from their own demise and really, everyone deserves to be loved by a dog that loves them more than they love themselves.