Pssp pssp. Whatcha Doing, Vocal?

Greetings Vocal,

It’s me, Abigail. I’m just checking in to see how you guys are doing over there, and why we have no challenges. For the first time since my mom signed up a year ago, there isn’t a new prompt for her to work on, and she’s not happy about it.

I mean, it doesn’t bother me too much. I’ll just take over and write my own story. She just has to type it, due to the me not having thumbs thing.

Mom’s getting pretty bored though, and quite frankly, she’s getting on my nerves.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. I’m getting even more cuddles than usual, so that’s a good thing I guess. As you know though, even good things can get monotonous. Not to mention irritating, nerve-grating, and numerous other adjectives that I can’t think of.

Anyway, back to my mom. Since she joined Vocal a year ago, she has discovered an interest in writing that she never even knew she had, and I’m pleased to say that your challenges have definitely helped. Getting a prompt to craft a story about a subject that the writer may not otherwise consider, not only takes the author outside of their comfort zone, but helps to improve the overall quality of their work. Obviously, the potential to win a substantial financial payout also encourages the best quality work.

My mom told me that. She just recently finished a sci-fi piece for one of your challenges. She said she didn’t know what she was doing because she doesn’t have much of a sciencey brain. I don’t think she has much of a brain at all, to be honest. (Please don’t tell her I said that, or she won’t give me treats.)

I said she should just write about me because I’m a princess and everybody loves me. I whined a bit when she said she had to write about the challenge prompts, but when she told me she could buy me lots and lots of treats if she won, I encouraged her to continue as long as she promised to write about me after.

Now she’s finished the last challenge, but she still doesn’t wants to write about me. She says she’s got nothing in her head. I already knew that, but what can I say. She’s feeling down, so I don’t want to make my poor, brainless mom feel even worse.

I asked her what she wanted me to say, and if there were any rules. She told me to write what I feel, but to be polite and not to insult anyone. I told her that would be easy, since I am the kindest, sweetest, most polite kitty princess ever. She told me that polite kitty is an oxymoron. I told her that she’s a moron. She didn’t seem pleased. I don’t understand why she would be upset about something that is true.

She also told me that my story has to be at least six hundred words. I laughed so hard that I threw up a fur ball. My mom not only expects me, a cat, to know how to write a story, she also believes I know how to count.

One, two, three, four

Mom, you gotta clean the floor

Five, six, seven, eight

There’s the breakfast I just ate

Oh, seems I do know how to count, at least a little. But we’ll just keep that to ourselves, okay Vocal? If you tell my mom, she’ll expect me to know that ten treats are too many. But, we both know I can never get too many treats. By the way, do I look fat?

Sorry, Vocal. It seems I’m getting off track again. Let’s get back to the reason I am writing you today. As previously stated, my mom needs more challenges to get her interested in writing something new, and prevent her from cuddling my fur off. And just to prove that her statement of “polite kitty” being an oxymoron is not accurate, I shall endeavour to ask you in my most professional, polite manner about upcoming challenges:

Dear Vocal,

Please advise us, at your earliest convenience, when you intend to shit or get off the pot..... hang on, let me try that again.

Dear Vocal,

Could you be so kind as to advise your loyal writers when you plan to get off your arses and release a new challenge.......oh dear, that won’t work either.

Dear Vocal,

Your loyal writers are eagerly anticipating the release of a new challenge. Could you please advise what the hell you are doing......oh, boy. Throw that one in the trash as well.

Seems I must admit, with humble acceptance, that my mom may be right after all. Since I am obviously incapable of expressing in type, my thoughts regarding your challenges, I will sign off now and leave you with yet another beautiful picture of me, a picture which most accurately displays my feelings toward having no new challenges.