Stop Ignoring Me, Vocal!

Earlier in the year, my human mother told me about a Vocal challenge for dogs. I didn’t understand at the time why cats were not included and made my thoughts clear to you in my interview with my Mom. Fans can read my interview here (and you really should. I know you will love me).

Now I see that there is a new challenge called “Mother’s Day Confessions,” and in the description is stated

“There are so many different ways to view motherhood: biological moms, adopted moms, chosen moms, foster moms, dog moms”

Really, Vocal? Really?

Dog moms? What about cat moms?

As I so eloquently stated in my linked interview, cats are the better pets. We are independent thinkers who don’t put up with any kind of disrespect. But now, Vocal, you are disrespecting me again by purposely forgetting my very existence.

After everything you put me through, all the emotional trauma of not being included in your dog challenge, you’re ignoring me yet again. Do you not realize what this is doing to me? Look at me, Vocal. Just look at me!

Stop laughing, Vocal!

This isn’t funny. I’ve gained two pounds since January because my Mom has to keep giving me treats to soothe my broken heart after your rejection. I’m supposed to be a lean, mean speed machine. Instead, I’m a square blob of hair stuck to a chair.

How am I supposed to fulfill my sworn duty of ensuring the home is free from unwanted invaders if I can’t get my fat ass off the couch?

I said stop laughing!

Although you have clearly chosen to turn a blind eye to the single most beautiful creature on the planet (me), I happen to know well that my Mom loves me very much. I mean she’d have too. I did try to murder her a couple of times, and she still cuddles me anyway.

That is why I am here today to re-share the poem I wrote for my wonderful human mother. It is called "To You, My Human Mother." So without further adieu:

My name is Princess Abigail

The shelter called me Abbey

When first I entered my forever home

I was a little crabby

*

Humans were not kind to me

They left me on the street

I’d gotten only heartbreak

From every one I’d meet

*

Shuffled in and out of shelters

Five agonizing years

Nobody ever cared about

My pain and all my fears

*

But then you came to meet me

To offer me a home

Where I would finally be safe and loved

No longer would have to roam

*

The day that you first met me

I bit another girl

Which near destroyed any chance I had

Of finding a better world

*

They said I had to quarantine

And offered you another

But you waited for the full two weeks

To become my human mother

*

You told me it was love at first sight

Can’t say the same for me

For I certainly wasn’t cuddly

I was mean as I could be

*

I tried to tear your face off

I hissed and snarled and screamed

But little did I know back then

It was the home of which I’d dreamed

*

I couldn’t really see it then

I was vulnerable and scared

But you were always patient with me

Really nothing I should have feared

*

Not once, have you hurt me

Or made me feel alone

You’ve shown me only caring and love

In a safe and stable home

*

So please forgive my wickedness

I know I seemed obtuse

But all I’d ever known before

Was rejection and abuse

*

And if by chance I bite you

Or scratch you with my claws

I know you will forgive me

For all of my faux pas

*

For nowhere in the whole wide world

Could I ever find another

Wonderful person to care for me

Like you, my human mother.

--

See, Vocal. That’s the difference between you and my mom. Mom is wonderful and she never ignores me, not even when I run down the hall at full speed and stop on a dime in front of her feet. Well I used to do that, until I got too fat, which is your fault by the way. Now I’m usually passed out on the couch or beached on the carpet – also your fault

So there it is, Vocal. That’s my poem/letter to my Mom for Mother’s Day. I know it’s the best entry you will ever receive, for I guarantee there’s no dog out there smarter or more talented than me. I know I won’t win though, because you choose to overlook the world’s most magnificent being yet again (me).

You can find my thoughts on your faux pas buried deep in my litter box. Come to think of it, you may also find a sample of my attitude in there as well.

Bye for now,

Abigail