Dear Milo

Dear Milo,

You get on my nerves, you make me want to scream in my pillow, and sometimes, I imagine how much easier it would have been had I not took on such a responsibility.

You poop on my nice things, pee on the carpet, and for some reason never like to vomit outside.

I complain about you daily and jokingly ask relatives if they want to take you home with them, but it was the day I thought I'd lose you that I remembered how important you are to me.

It was an ordinary day, the sun was out and I was cleaning the kitchen as usual. You got some leftovers from the night before and we thought nothing of it. You've always loved leftovers.

The next three days were a nightmare. Normal gas and bowel movements turned to constant vomiting and defecating blood. You could barely move, never barked, and the way you smelled made my stomach turn.

I wanted to hold out on taking you to the vet, unfortunately, your pet parents aren't rich and vet bills are not merciful to struggling families. After watching you suffer for two straight days, I finally made the call.

Hospitalization.

Extremely dehydrated.

Potentially fatal.

Their words still ring angry in my ears. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

Potentially fatal? You were fine just days ago. My mind frantically clung to all those times I needed you most and how I couldn't lose you now.

Remember that time when we both moved away completely on our own for the first time? We lived in a shabby-chic duplex with obnoxiously loud neighbors. Their dogs never stopped barking and their constant coitus never let us have a good night's sleep.

The first month that we lived there, I slept with a knife under my pillow and you tucked snuggly under the blanket with me. Every sound had us on edge; the clattering of the windows, the creaks in the floor, our neighbors who never slept.

You were there the first time I had to kill a giant spider all my own and how it took thirty minutes for me to hype myself up enough to do it.

When we didn't have any money and I couldn't afford your food, you had to eat whatever I was eating so that we could survive. I made you tiny pancakes once and chicken another time.

Remember when we drove to Texas? You got thorns stuck in your feet and I cried when I had to pull them out.

And then we moved back home, everyone left, and it was just us two.

My dearest Milo, I love you. I love you more than I'll ever be able to put into words. You are my very best friend and my confidant. You make me laugh and bring joy into my life. The way tha1t you love Eden makes my heart smile and though it was a long road to get there, I appreciate your patience with him.

Thank you for all the times that you lit up the room, excited to play. You'd run around haphazardly with ropes hanging out of your mouth and tear out the squeakers in your toys.

Thank you for our memories and for always trying your absolute best to protect us. Your need to bark at everything that moves really keeps us on our toes!

Remember the time when we first met? You were just a tiny ball of fur. You'd follow me around like I was already your human even though you belonged to someone else. Mom always says that you chose me.

Dear Milo,

Don't be scared. I'll always be right by your side. You can have all the loves and cuddles, just stay a while longer.