Brownie

My beloved Brownie, I consider him my Animal Spirit Guide. I have been on a Spiritual Journey since February 2021 but my experience with Brownie happened before February, actually my kids had been wanting a dog for a very long time and for the longest time I said No. That’s because I had been suffering Depression and was busy listening to other people and not listening to myself. I am so thankful that part of my life is over with and we are all doing better mentally thank God. I don’t understand why I allowed my Toxic Family to control and disrespect me for so many years. In true Spaniard fashion, they all took over my home. Very much how the Spanish settlers did to the Island of Puerto Rico, oppression still goes on to this very day. I am happy I can share our story now. My home was no longer my home. It was theirs, my home was the place to be for my mother and siblings. I was their cook, my son no longer had his room. Looking back I cannot believe this was my life. Unhandled trauma did not allow me to understand that my own mother took my money left to me by my father. She took our Suvivors benefits and spent it on everyone. Not a smart move as a parent. When I came into some money, I gave her money. I was used by my own family. I’m here to share that it’s absolutely ok to break away from family. Remember love doesn’t hurt and they nearly destroyed me. I don’t understand why they all took over my crib yet have the nerve to talk about me behind my back. My oldest brother had an alcohol problem and when he drank, we’d have to be on our P’s and Q’s to avoid any violent outburst from him. One of my sisters asks me for my eggs in 2009, yet failed to tell me about my father. Then when I confront her about my father’s murder which happened 38 years ago, she tells me that my father was a drunk who sexually abused her. That’s a lie! I can tell you this is a lie because I have been sexually abused and when my nightmare ended I prayed that I never saw him again. God granted my wish and I never saw him again. Does my sister understand how DNA works? My father is very much part of me. If he abused her then why would she want any part of him inside her body in the form of a baby? The level of Mental Illness in that family is unreal. My other sister who seemed to be the nicest was actually the cruelest as if it wasn’t bad enough with the other two. Upon the knowledge of my father’s murder, she sabotaged my life to the point my daughter is not with me temporarily. When I confronted everyone about the truth of my father’s murder, her claim was that I was crazy. The nasty emails and text messages ensued. But prior to February, I was fine to be walked all over. Take over my crib, I have to tolerate disrespect and asked for body parts. But the minute I provide you with the truth of the murder you thought I would never find out about, you claim that I am crazy? How dare you, how dare you, how dare you. Due to my sister’s wild reaction my relationship with my younger brother had been severed. I know one day my brother will return to me, he’s my full blood brother. The kid I would beat up boys for, the one I always looked out for. The one I deserted when I fell into a depression from about 2009. Back in 2009 I decided to get a real job after years of hustling in the Stripper world and although I had good jobs in the hospitality industry I was unhappy. My family was draining my energy from taking over my crib, using my hotel discounts and I being disrespected by my bosses at the job. I was not doing well in the romance department either. Looking back, everyone was just using and abusing me. This affected my wellness and unhandled trauma has sort of a blinding affect and I didn’t even know I was suffering from severe Depression until about 2015-16 when I began therapy. After years of abuse it was a must that I seek help otherwise I don’t know where I would be today. I’ve always tried to do what’s right with the cards handed to me. I was always trying for my family and nothing I did satisfied them because I don’t understand if I give you everything, why do you in turn disrespect me? Oppression. I was an object to them, a cash cow and when I could no longer provide an income or hotel discounts even though they continued taking over my crib. They also continued with their disrespect toward me. Very much like the Spanish settlers taking over Puerto Rico and using the Taino for their land. They brought slaves in from Africa creating our beautiful blend but nonetheless they still took what did not belong to them. This is after being welcomed to the Island by the Natives. The Taino welcomed Columbus and others to the Island, they ultimately took over killing many Indians. Falsifying documents to the point it was believed that the Taino Indian was extinct. I am happy to report, we are still here! Not extinct, while my DNA may have the beautiful blend of Native Taino, African and Spaniard I resonate with my Native side mostly which is why I have felt different my whole life. I don’t understand why my family would take my kindness for weakness. Very foolish on their part. I hope they are proud of themselves for destroying our lives. I am grateful for my Ancestors in this journey I have been on since February, however I am quite tired. I look forward to the day this madness is a distant memory. I am grateful for Brownie assisting me in my Spiritual Journey. I’ve learned something’s about myself because of him. Absolutely no one in my family wanted me to have this dog, why? I do not know because I do not understand toxicity. Never in my depressed state did I intentionally cause any harm upon anyone else. I may have isolated myself, hurt myself never anyone else. Here it is Thanksgiving Day and I still wonder what I have done to deserve this level of disrespect. But my children wanted a dog, although my entitled family didn’t want me to have a dog we were getting one regardless of what they said. My mother offered to bring me a dog and they both arrived in New York from Puerto Rico on 10/27/20. Leads me to believe that no one wanted or no one was happy when my mother had me. All my older siblings made it their business to comment on my new dog and after everything that has transpired it is quite obvious that my birth affected them negatively. Regardless of how I came into this world, I was an innocent life who didn’t ask to be born! I was not part of the affair! I was the product, but as children they would not be able to understand as Adults I expect more. I am grateful and I do thank my mother for sending me this dog and as horrible as my life has been I am grateful she put me on this Earth. I know one day I will be in a position to help others and I have two beautiful children. Brownie is the cherry on top of all the things that make me happy. I never knew my Father as he was murdered when I was a baby but I feel like through Brownie I have learned some things about my Dad. Animals are special and they all have special meaning and purpose. I have a book called, Pocket Guide to Spirit Animals Understanding Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides written by Dr. Steven Farmer. Very helpful in understanding life a bit better as all living creatures matter and why we must respect all lives. I believe God sent me this dog to guide me in my Spiritual Journey. I don’t know where I would be today without Brownie. Especially with my daughter not being home temporarily, I need all the support I can get. Brownie is an old soul, he doesn’t look one year old to me and is not the typical puppy type of dog. He potty trained himself and enjoys going for runs. I refer to him as my running partner. He likes to play with balls and doesn’t like to share, in a Basketball game type of fashion. Sometimes he rushes me when it’s time to go for a run and he’s very protective over me. He’s interested in my Raven Claw and when I play Guiro, a traditional Puerto Rican instrument he absolutely loves it. You can catch us dancing on The Vibe Podcast on YouTube! Somehow all these qualities remind me of my father. My father was in the military so being fit was a must. My mother told me my father would get up in the morning and go running. My father was a musician and I felt a calling to get both a guitar and guiro which Brownie loves. My father was a tough guy! One day I wish to write about our drafted Vets. Takes an extraordinary individual to be pulled out of beautiful and sunny Puerto Rico and dumped in cold Korea in the 50’s when racism was blatant and also the norm. Racism is still a problem today but harder to detect I believe. You have to prove someone to be a Racist today when back in the day it was quite obvious to say the least. But Brownie’s most precious quality is that he prays with me. Whenever I go to my prayer rug, Brownie comes along and sits with me as I pray. We also have a YouTube video on that! I couldn’t have done this without Brownie! I am forever thankful God sent me this dog as a guide in my journey. John 16:13, when you give your life to God the Holy Spirit will guide you to the truth. To be quite honest, as strong as I am it is because of Brownie that I am able to proceed with all the truths revealed to me since February so I thank God he was sent to me however the case may be, for Brownie I would do it all again! A mut straight from the Island of Puerto Rico! Who knew you could do so much! One day we will do more than thank God for our furry friends, my wish is to help Animals somehow one day. Whether it’s opening a shelter or donating to an organization one day we will do more and teach the proper way on how all lives truly matter. Thank you for reading this piece on my beloved Brownie!