YOUR SENSIBILITIES

Here is the thing: the world and people aren’t here to protect your sensibilities.

I’ll say it again: the world and people don’t give a single fuck about your sensibilities.

Since we got that out of the way…We all have sensibilities, which vary from one person to another, to stronger and lesser degrees. There is no bulletproof human being out there. We all get triggered, one way or another. Weirdly enough, triggers vary immensely. It could be a word, a gesture, a look, a dismissal, disrespect, an attack, a sound, etc.

As they say, we cannot control what people do or say. Yet, we can control how we react to the triggers. However, pump your breaks for a moment: triggers don’t go away in a blink of an eye! Nope! They never do. It takes time, patience, getting angry a few times, falling for those trigger words, losing one’s mind, venting, ranting, cussing. Once you have gone through all that, repeat! Yes, it will take you a long time to manage the trigger words.

The idea is to not get triggered while realizing you are getting triggered. It sounds like science fiction, doesn’t it? Well, it isn’t. Allow me to give you an example: I get easily triggered by blatant disrespect. I couldn’t explain how angry I could get when I am disrespected. My anger manifests itself in less than a second and I used to respond, to counterattack and get into fights, pointless verbal pugilistic cage matches, as if I were a UFC fighter.

Then, as I got older, after a few hundred instances of losing my mind and my cool, and with my brother’s help, I learned how to stop and breathe. I learned to calm down and think. I learned to act instead of reacting. To this day, when I am disrespected, I can feel my blood boil, my heart rate goes up, my breathing becoming shallow and I narrow my focus on the person who disrespected me. I am ready to fight, even if I know no fight will ensue. Primal thinking…Triggers…

The problem with triggers, people can use them against you. Well, it wasn’t very smart of me to tell the world what my trigger is, but I wanted to make a point. Once someone knows what triggers you, I can assure you, they will use it against you, putting you at a disadvantage and on the defensive. Who wants to play defense every time they are triggered? No one.

Moreover, some people won’t respect your sensibilities. They will go the opposite way: they will zero in on your sensibilities and come at you harder. Suddenly, they know what makes you tick. They know and they will not stop until you lose your mind. Frankly, if you are too sensitive, you will spend more time trying not to lose your mind instead of keeping your cool. Once again, it isn’t easy, but it is doable. I am glad I grew up in an environment where people would talk shit all the time, trying to get a rise out of you. It taught me to have quick responses, to think fast, to answer fast and to keep my cool. Well, I lost my damn mind many times, but who doesn’t? We are human beings, not Buddha!

The Navy SEALS, the most elite military force, are experts at training their recruits through exhaustion. They use constant physical exercise (sometimes 20 consecutive hours) to tire the recruits out of their minds. The master sergeants know fatigue and exhaustion heavily compromise your cognitive functions. Translation: you cannot think clearly when you are tired. That is a fact. However, the goal of any soldier, especially an elite soldier, is to think when they are tired, angry, hungry, cold, wet, and irritable. They want you to keep your composure and think clearly while you are tired, under fire, afraid, irritable, cold, etc. Most recruits quit because of mental exhaustion, not physical exhaustion. They want you to go beyond your triggers. They want you to put your sensibilities on the side for a few seconds and defeat the enemy.

How about we, the simple citizens of the world, try to use that philosophy? I am not saying one should ignore or dismiss triggers. I am saying we should be able to manage them. We should find a way to think and act instead of reacting the way I used to do when disrespected. I am not suggesting joining the Navy SEALS. I am simply suggesting recognizing the triggers, the sensibilities and manage them. The moment you are too sensitive, you will miss the point of an argument, you will get angry and lose any perspective. Finally, you will lose your credibility and people might not want to deal with you saying “Oh, he/she is too sensitive. One word and he/she losses her cool”. Your opponents have won before even engaging with you. How about that???

Nowadays, for example, with the Black Lives Matter movement, too many people get distracted and triggered by people clamoring “All Lives Matter”. Do not engage while angry. Most likely, they are saying this to get you angry and to drive you into a pointless argument, the kind that would drain all your energy. Idiots, racists, sexists, psychopaths will always exist. We cannot fight them all. Listen when they say that, and then carry on. If you react, they will just keep saying things to make you mad, I can guarantee you that! Sure, you can educate certain people but not all of them. If you react vehemently, now, they know what triggers you, they know your sensibilities and they will press on them. Imagine engaging in fights with people online, people you have never met! Sometimes, you just gotta let idiots be themselves, on their own, away from you.

Moreover, keep in mind, not everybody cares about your sensibilities. Not everyone will try to cuddle you or understand you or care for you. Some people are agents of chaos and they don’t give a fuck about you and what you care about. Remember that. And for the love of all the Gods, stop expecting people to respect your opinions. I repeat; there are many agents of chaos out there, who don’t give a fuck about you, your thoughts and your sensibilities. Learn how to use and spread your energy. Otherwise, mental exhaustion will find you soon enough.

Your sensibilities are your own. You care about them, not others necessarily. Learn how to be less sensitive. Yes, learn! Today, after decades of dealing with assholes online and face to face, disrespect doesn’t mean much to me, except for a very few occasions. I LEARNED! THAT MEANS YOU CAN LEARN TOO!

I don’t expect people to understand or respect my sensibilities and opinions. Fuck them anyway!

Just one man’s opinion.

Now smile and go on with your day!

Freeman. B