Your 20s Are For Crying

Congratulations!

You're eighteen, or nineteen or maybe even on the cusp of twenty years of age. Maybe you're just beginning? Or maybe, you stumbled here lost, after the year twenty-one; just trying to follow the light? Perhaps you’re in your early twenties drowning, seeking the enchanted glistening beacon from beyond? Maybe you're just reminiscing? Reaching one’s Saturn return and dropping in to see what unsolicited advice this author has to give.

Either way there is a cozy spot for all, anyone seeking or sauntering by but mainly if you’re feeling called in, if you're being pulled in, this is for you.

A bit of insight to my own personal perspective as the author of such a sad some would say cynical titled piece of art. I reached a point shortly after twenty-five where I became paralyzed with this dark fear and regurgitating regret. This looming cloud of wasted time. This false belief that I had completely abandoned myself and ruined these formative years. Ruined their present gifts by continuously seeking out unhealthy relationship dynamics, which effected all areas of ones’ life.

I believed myself to be someone with the gift of sight and I was blind to the energy around me. I literally couldn’t see the people around me, their motives or their well-wishes. I couldn't deconstruct the different masks they wore for each occasion or how degrading it is for the spirit to consume such nonsensical hate.

Obviously, harboring such guilt and grief, the bitter distain turned fire red from soaking in the heat. There was no other outlet to release the branded anger on other than the department of me; party of one, genuine, honest and hardworking but boy did she receive the ass-chewing that should have been reserved for corporate.

My point is, my mistakes are my own. They are all lessons, all of them. No is a complete sentence. Family always doesn’t have your best interest. One cannot blame the adolescent behavior of an undeveloped self but the moment one has the ability to ask the question, it’s one’s duty to seek out the appropriate answer.

I wish someone told me that my twenties are for fucking crying. That one’s body is a massive indicator for the people, places and things that should or shouldn’t be surroundings its' auric field. An infringement upon this field are usually referred to as boundaries and you deserve to have those boundaries preserved but you don’t really know what they are until you begin to address the other uncomfortable feelings, like fear or doubt that show up in its' place.

You deserve to feel happy or boundless. You are suppose to feel the pressure in your chest from great loss and discern the message through a greater lens, put down the rose ones.

Fyi, no one will tell you - actually so many people will tell you ~ myself included. This is also the best ride, not of your life because it is just beginning, and you’ll notice that you actually get many lifetimes within the one, but this - climb, the climb is the best ride. How fresh, new and truly enveloping it is. You begin to even feel as though time is speeding up and you tackle the moment taking advantage of everything that is your now truly free, truly accountable self.

It isn’t about the destination, it’s about each and every stop on along the way. It’s about the journey itself; but be cautious, and buckle the fuck up.

You think you have it all figured out, and even if you don’t - just know at times you will believe so and just know you will still absolutely lose your shit when you find out you don’t. You’ll lose your shit a lot actually, literally and figuratively speaking. It is okay. This is okay, you are not alone. Repeat it until your sanity comes back if necessary.

There are many exciting, valuable, and favorable things coming from this adventure. I mean thank goodness for the simple yet, entirely true fact that you are no longer a teenager; and that changes everything. Actually it really does change everything.

From the moment you enter into your twenties it’s as though you sign away your life rights to failure, growth and cringe worthy moments. Some of course never go through this but for me if I am to ever be so frank. My twenties have been nothing but crying. Tears of joy, rage, and heartbreak. My twenties and the last two years of my teens, where are are my foundation. The earth shattering loss, the profound truth and self discoveries. What time itself feels like.

It’ll be better, it does better. People don’t just say that, it doesn’t fully go away but something beautiful tends to grow in it’s place. It’s this beautiful picture that your angels, ancestors, guides, and guardians can see. Some believe, even we swore our own selves into this or personally cultivated with intention, a mix of destiny, divine will, and choice. The beauty is unfolding right before your eyes. Just be open to the magic. Open to seeing that the magic comes from your essence, various energies and your bones.

Your job is to live it. Ride in the waves of human and earthling experience.

I am here to tell you that nothing is ever going to be easy, you sign away easy when you break from the womb and catapult into this existence. Your twenties are a necessary pain. Your twenties are for crying, lots of it, tears of joy, celebration, and love. At the end of every day, always remember each feeling comes back to love. Each, and every time, this experience is all about love, and when you're at the end of the teens; it is truly just beginning.

In your twenties you become the alchemist of your life’s purpose, shaping your existence with every experience.

There really is no bad, there is just perceived bad. When really there is always a choice, there is much to learn, there are mirrors everywhere with plenty of reflections and sometimes that comes with pain; but there is no bad, only wonderful, and useful. There is just much to learn, with the goal in mind being mindset, peace, empathy and vulnerability.

It’s this time for enormous amounts of growth and growing. You’re doing it in your sleep! The beginning of molding time to grow purposely. To grow away from or towards; to strengthen the roots seek ones’ soul purpose.

Your Twenties Are For Crying

They are for crying. Balling your fucking eyes out.

At times it will feel like endless pain and suffering. It's also a perceived time of endless 'you' time, which I have found is one of the many advantages; (and even though I am bias because I am still living through some of my twenties) this is coming from a failing and flawed human being. Someone reciting it back, still currently in their twenties but with enough experience for it to just now be cultivating itself into profound knowledge.

This is from someone who knew better, could have done better and yet nis beginning today. By choice, or by fate whichever you believe but I've finally come to love the darker moments just as much as the ones filled with light. From someone who I could have done it better but wasn't suppose to.

The "ifs" will leave you stranded at sea with all the tools to build an empire and nothing but doubt to fill the walls. "What if" - "if" in general holds no space or nutrients for the growing soul. You do however begin to see when "if" is calling you to do more, be more, achieve more. You're twenties are about learning how to find your balance through dictating choices, showing up and holding yourself accountable while you continue to grow through mirrors of experience.

It's Called A Cliché For A Reason - They Are Painfully True!

You'll hear everyone and their mother have an opinion on how you live your life but I am here to tell you the only thing you should acknowledge is the phase 'soak it up while it lasts'. Now that - that couldn't be more true. That, and 'don't grow up too fast'.

Ah, yes. These are really the only old world scenarios I have carried with me being raised by my great generations.

Clichés and wives tales, mixed in with religious symbolism, no doubt fear and the need to mold into a perfectly shaped box. They meant well with what they had and the tools they possessed but the goal is to keep progressing forward with little harm and a greater impact. Your twenties are for finding out what traumas are yours, and what was programmed into ones psyche in early development.

These were thrown around so lightly, at least in my case as a child, I never fully understood the gravity but I wasn’t suppose to. I was just suppose to soak it in, like the absorber, observer sponges we as human beings just naturally are. At the time it just seemed as though no one wanted me to full submit to my wild or that these barriers were placed as a cage rather than a safety net.

Now of course, at twenty-seven I totally understand but I’m just now beginning even grasp the concept if I’m being totally honest. Another juxtaposition for duality, one questions’ answer leads to another question with endless possibilities and new potential.

Don’t rush your days! "Soak it up while it lasts!"

Don’t rush your time. Don't waste your time within the moments in-between. This somewhat goes back to the if, like what if I was somewhere else, or the more negative ifs just remember that comparison is the thief of joy and we all get free will to choose our paths, despite if we end up taking them alone. Your twenties are for finding your voice and trying to see what really is best for your own being.

Remember and try and be as present as free as your inner child begs you to be. It begins even before you’re working thoughts and feelings. You’re simply still a spirit, trying to navigate a new form of existence.

Don't rush time, we're made to feel as though we're suppose to have everything together, or we rush for the moment to be complete. This happens harmlessly and even very subtly at times. Like when your parents look upon you as a miracle and wonder what you'll look like, what you'll accomplish, gravitate to or thrive at.

You then begin to string along experiences and words and soon you find yourself thinking, wondering, wishing and creating. You find a center for hope, knowledge and education. And you begin, just like everyone else out there was when they started and you get to start anew each and every day.

It begins with a wants of freedom and independence. The determination to seek yourself out and accomplish what you see, what you want to do. It begins when you want to go out with a group of the neighborhood kids but you just aren't old enough yet. You begin to wish 'when I get older' - you'll find yourself muttering 'I wish I was ___' as you sulk, and crouch into a fetal position. Hoping you'll get your way.

It will happen again, when you want to stay out late past your curfew, or when you begin to rebel against your childhood. It happens time, and time again until we reach the age of eighteen. After that, it is strictly its' own diabolical force. Fate muddled with choices, if you will.

What will be will be from the fork in the road. What has one grasped or mastered? This will all propelled the student towards whatever they may be seeking, choosing, failing to see or the endless invitations. This will happen continuously until you’ve mastered lesson and even then, it’s a life long test to see if you remember them.

This entire journey you've been taking all accumulates in your twenties but don't be mistaken that doesn't mean it's the second act, we're just beginning.

Eighteen To Nineteen

If you are here, you are felt, heard and seen. There is a lot of growth in this year and it's not the easiest.

Many find their true friends, support systems, some even fall pray to more negative energies. It’s the foundation for the life we are about to encounter. It’s also the last true ride on the ignorance is bliss roller coaster of life. You walk past it nostalgically but you reach this point of understanding somewhere around twenty-five where you just acknowledge it for what it was and become fond of the place you are because of it.

This beautiful journey of finding ones' own space within this vast expansion experience. There is much to learn and experience within this year. Some are alone for the first time and some are on their own for the first time. Others are set free, for the very first time.

Like a foal preparing to stand after birth, there is so much eager excitement that comes from doing something yourself. Then nature kicks in, and it jolts through your system, electrifying your senses, and becomes all consuming. You are beginning your experience. It comes with lessons and consequence. You must know that consequence isn't always 'bad' you see we think this because it is usually brought to our attention through a negative.

By experiencing a consequence that is positive, to replicate that time and time again you must exude gratitude. A grateful moment is a ripple in the energy system. By harnessing this gratitude it will help prepare you for the journey you are about it take.

Eighteen to nineteen for me, was all about preparing myself for the adventure I was getting ready to embark upon, the one I’m on right now and hopefully will be on for quite some time.

Without a shadow of a doubt, for me this was the most painful year filled with growing pains, and heartbreaking truths. The matrix fell for me the year I turned eighteen. From eighteen to nineteen, I had already made one life changing move across the country, graduated with a diploma, began a secondary education program and had moved out into a lease of my own.

In just a short year I had embraced adulthood. Growing up way to fast for my liking and if I could, I might have lived it differently; but with wishful thinking of 'what ifs' - it drains your confidence in ones' own abilities. Again with the wrong "ifs" but once you begin to decode your inner voice you will begin to see when they are calling for more, or trying to cage you in a feeling other than the present.

If I could, of course I would have done everything differently but that's not what was laid out for me. Those were not the cards I was dealt or the reality I had been manifesting. Also, there just simply isn't the space for such weighted negativity on the journey ahead. I know now, with hindsight and inherited wisdom, if I where to ever have the love of a daughter, she wouldn’t have to experience that particular path.

Think of it as you’re filling a backpack for a long voyage. On the trip you wouldn't carry senseless items that were unfit for ones' own survival. Set that shit down, learn from them and continue on. For me this wasn't learned until just recently. I would carry around my failure in such disgust and fear I was unaware that I was even carrying it!

Let that shit go, drop it and move on. If you continue to carry what isn't suited for ones own expedition, you will be continuously be hit in the face with its' lessons until your stubborn ass puts it down. What I would suggest for this year, would be to let the little things just fall right off your shoulders.

Again, think about what you want to be carrying on your journey from here on out. My advice would be that no matter how well rounded, personally aware, and mature you may be - there is still going to be humans on this journey who have not reached their destination. They may try to keep you behind with them, just give a wave and a smile, some positive energy and keep at your own pace.

I had to learn this the hard way, there are some people who just enjoy getting stuck, to have to watch someone else save them. There are those who are really in need, but we are not the deciders. There are the cosmos, and karma in play, and you may be saving someone - yes - but you may also be giving them a way out.

You can also get so caught up in saving everyone else, you develop a case of imposter syndrome. Putting in the work and then failing to take the acknowledgment in the achievement.

Nineteen To Twenty

If there is any advice I have for you turning nineteen or beginning your journey through your twenties its' have fun.

Take time to soak up the sunrays, travel and experience the world around you. The following years you will be exposing the shadow parts of yourself, and embracing the hidden areas of light. It’s best to be able to accept oneself, if you are willing to put in the work to just discover who you are.

Another advice would be just to live it up still being a kid.

It’s difficult especially in your career or work environment but something no one tells you is that even if you are nineteen or twenty, some will still see you as a child. So let them, embrace the childish side of yourself. Laugh, dance, and throw yourself into new activities while you are still eager to learn but not embarrassed by fear or failure.

Nourish your inner child and they will expose the parts of yourself that will keep you young, vibrant and able to withstand some of the more conforming energies you may face.

I don’t know if you need to read it from someone you don’t know but leave your shitty fucking job. Drop out of school or dive into that debt pool to get started or begin school. Throw yourself into passions and continue to do so, until the day comes where you’re unable to. I am not saying throw all caution to the wind, but listen to your intuition, and don't be like me - take the karate class as a beginner, protest, show up in every aspect of what you can control, which is your life.

I constructed my twenties and late teen years around what "I should be doing ___" instead of asking myself "is this what you desire to be doing?" - train your intuition and body to work with you and you do that by listening to it. Ending a conversation mid sentence, ignoring someone, moving across country, learning a new language.

It begins when you rebel against conformity, where you see the balance between gluttony and fasting. By doing this, what you want, when you want, and how you want (with informed knowledge of course) you really do feel and see life unfold before it happens and when it does, it’s just effortless euphoria. You don’t wonder how you got there, you’re grateful you cultivated it so perfectly, so particularly.

I want to point out, this doesn’t give every narcissist the right to up and leave a conversation because it isn't suiting ones' 'soul purpose'. No. Absolutely not. This is to be used as a direct indicator, to not give that strange human your phone number, or break up with the abusive person you are dating, or involved with, it’s the realization to leave the position that is ruining your ability to create at a human level.

It’s for the moments where you are working for a non-profit that might just be embezzling funds, or leaving your job filled with benefits, and financial security because of the advances your boss continues to make towards you despite the rejection.

Your twenties are for crying, and you will be doing a lot of it. Just know you aren't alone. I’m still crying, living through them myself. Some are almost there, others are on the verge of combustion. This is for you, for my inner teen, seeking gentle guidance. There’s more to come, I just have to live it first.

Your twenties are for crying they are also your foundation for experience. Be gentle as you rediscover yourself or hold yourself accountable. Be gentle with your mind and soul for your are palpable and rich. Mold your own standards, stand in your truth, hold yourself accountable and refuse to take yourself for granted. Accept time as a currency and make your moneys worth through experience.

Push your comfort zones and grow towards the greater aspects of self like connection and through honored community. Do the most rebellious act of loving yourself and with open, gracious arms and a humble heart. Accept and welcome age, and the wisdom that seeps in after failure and with the changing of the seasons.

Your twenties are for crying but sure some of it has been unfavorable but as I sit here a rhymical drip of salt water coats the keys and all I can remember are the times I’ve been blessed to see the sunrise and rest, or see the signs of all that is unexplained reflected back to me through experience. A lot of the tears have been happy, they are memories of home. The gift is that yes this a linear lifeform but within the experience lies the beauty of the gift; how many we get to collect and receive.

This is in hopes that many of my readers will find comfort in their own journey, their mistakes, and in their dynamic growth.

For those who, just beginning - know that you’re not alone and although experience may separate us, it also brings us together. This existence has polarity and is cemented in duality. With all the bright light the sun casts there are cool shadows, meant to serve their purpose.

It is okay to feel all the chaos, love, feelings, failures, and accomplishments this life may bring. It is okay to feel grief, heaviness or fear. It’s our responsibility to tend to them, ask them what they need to find the core of it’s persistence. What they don’t tell you, in my unwanted opinion is that this is what your twenties are for.

You are valued, you are loved just the way you are. You’re celebrated, potent and infection by just being yourself. Remember that if you ever find yourself being forced into a box or repetitive stereotype.

You are fully equipped with all of the gifts, tools, and lessons to live your very best life despite the various road-blocks you may encounter, or failures you may be forced to embrace. Remember that you’ve got this, everything happens for a reason, nothing is coincidence.

- love, la

p.s still histerically fucking crying and violently celebrating the last years of "20"