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Your 20s Are For Crying

by E L L E 24 days ago in advice · updated 11 days ago

Chapter 18 + Chapter 19

Your 20s Are For Crying
Photo by Ana Viegas on Unsplash

Congratulations!

You are now eighteen, or nineteen, maybe even on the cusp of twenty years of age.

Fyi, no one will tell you - actually so many people will tell you ~ myself included. This is the best ride, not of your life because it is just beginning. The climb, the climb is the best ride.

It is not about your destination, it is about each and every stop on along the way; it's about the journey itself; but be cautious, and buckle the fuck up.

You think you have it all figured out, and even if you don’t - just know at times you will, and just know you will still absolutely lose your shit. Literally and figuratively. It is okay. This is okay, you are not alone. There are many exciting, valuable, and favorable things coming from this adventure. I mean thank goodness for the simple yet, entirely true fact that you are no longer a teenager; and that changes everything.

Actually it really does change everything.

From the moment you enter into your twenties it is as though you sign away your life rights to failure, growth, and cringe worthy moments. Some of course never go through this - but for me if I am to ever be so frank. My twenties have been nothing but crying. Tears of joy, rage, and heartbreak. My twenties have been a foundation of earth shattering truths, and profound self discoveries. It will be better, it gets better. It is a beautiful picture that your angels, ancestors, guides, and guardians can see. The beauty is unfolding right before your very eyes. Your job is just to live it, ride the waves of the human and ~ earthling ~ experience.

I am here to tell you that nothing is ever going to be easy, you sign away easy when you break from the womb, and catapult into this existence. Your twenties are a necessary pain. Your twenties are for crying, lots of it, tears of joy, celebration, and love. At the end of every day, always remember each feeling comes back to love. Each, and every time, this experience is all about love, and when you're at the end of the teens; it is truly just beginning.

In your twenties you become the alchemist of your life’s purpose, shaping every experience. There really is no bad, there is much to learn, and sometimes that comes with pain; but there is no bad, only wonderful, and useful. There is a lot to learn.

It is a time for growing; a time to grow away from, and towards ones soul purpose.

By Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

Your Twenties Are For Crying

They are for crying. Balling your fucking eyes out. Endless pain and suffering. Also endless 'you' time, which I have found is one of the many advantages, and even though I am bias because I am still living through some of my twenties. This is coming from factual experience, lived by an actual human being. Reciting it back, still in their twenties, but with enough knowledge to know that I could have done it better, if I had known more.

You'll hear everyone and their mother have an opinion on how you live your life but I am here to tell you the only thing you should be acknowledge is the phase 'soak it up while it lasts'. Now that - that couldn't be more true. That and 'don't grow up too fast'.

Ah, yes.

Thrown around so lightly, at least in my case. It seemed I was always told this when I was just trying to live. Now of course almost reaching twenty-seven, am I beginning to even grasp the concept.

We rush each and every day. It begins even before you are working thoughts and feelings. You are simply still spirit trying to navigate your now new existence. Your parents look down upon you, and wonder what you'll look like, what you'll accomplish. You then begin to string along experiences and words, and soon you find yourself thinking, wondering, wishing, and hoping. Just like everyone else out there. Then it begins with your wants of freedom, and determination to seek yourself out. It begins when you want to go out with a group of the neighborhood kids, but you just aren't old enough yet. You begin to wish 'when I get older' - you'll find yourself muttering 'I wish I was ___' as you sulk, and crouch into a fetal position. Hoping you'll get your way. It will happen again, when you want to stay out late past your curfew, or when you begin to rebel against your childhood. It happens time, and time again until we reach the age of eighteen. After that, it is strictly its' own diabolical force. Fate if you will. What will be will be, what you haven't grasped or mastered will be propelled towards you until you can understand what you are seeing each time.

Eighteen To Nineteen

There is a lot of growth in this year.

Many find their true friends, support systems, some even fall pray to more negative energies. It is the foundation for the life we are about to encounter. The adventure and the journey of finding ones' own space within this vast expansion experience. There is much to learn and experience within this year. Some are alone for the first time, and some are on their own for the first time. Others are set free for the very first time. Like a foal preparing to stand after birth, there is so much eager excitement that comes from doing something yourself. Then nature kicks in, and it jolts through your system, electrifying your senses, and becomes all consuming.

You are beginning your experience.

It comes with lessons, and consequence. You must know that consequence isn't always 'bad' you see we think this because it is usually brought to our attention through a negative. By experiencing a consequence that is positive, to replicate that time and time again you must exude gratitude. A grateful moment is a ripple in the energy system. By harnessing this gratitude it will help prepare you for the journey you are about it take.

Eighteen to nineteen for me, was all about preparing myself for the adventure I was getting ready to embark upon. Without a shadow of a doubt, for me this was the most painful year filled with growing pains, and heartbreaking truths. The matrix fell for me the year I turned eighteen.

From eighteen to nineteen, I had already made one life changing move across the country, graduated with a diploma, began a secondary education program, and had moved out into a lease of my own.

In just a short year I had embraced adulthood. Growing up way to fast for my liking, and if I could, I might have lived it differently; but with wishful thinking of 'what ifs' - it drains your confidence in ones' own abilities. If I could, of course I would have done everything differently but that's not what was laid out for me. Those were not the cards I was dealt or the reality I had been manifesting. Also, there just simply isn't the space for such weighted negativity on the journey ahead.

Think of it as your are filling a backpack for a long voyage. On the trip you wouldn't carry senseless items that were unfit for ones' own survival. Set that shit down, learn from them, and continue on. For me this wasn't learned until just recently. I would carry around my failure in such disgust, and fear I was unaware that I was even carrying it! Let that shit go, drop it and move on. If you continue to carry what isn't suited for ones own expedition, you will be continuously be hit in the face with its' lessons until your stubborn ass puts it down.

What I would suggest for this year, would be to let the little things just fall right off your shoulders.

Again, think about what you want to be carrying on your journey from here on out. My advice would be that no matter how well rounded, personally aware, and mature you may be - there is still going to be humans on this journey who have not reached their destination. They may try to keep you behind with them, just give a wave, and a smile, some positive energy, and keep at your own pace. I had to learn this the hard way, there are some people who just enjoy getting stuck, to have to watch someone else save them. There are those who are really in need, but we are not the deciders. There are the cosmos, and karma in play, and you may be saving someone - yes - but you may also be giving them a way out. You can also get so caught up in saving everyone else, you develop a case of imposter syndrome. Putting in the work, and then failing to take the acknowledgment in the achievement.

Nineteen To Twenty

If there is any advice I have for you turning nineteen, or beginning your journey through your twenties its' have fun.

Take time to soak up the sunrays, travel, and experience the world around you. The following years you will be exposing the shadow parts of yourself, and embracing the hidden areas of light. It is best to be able to accept oneself, if you are willing to put in the work to just discover who you are.

Another advice would be just to live it up still being a kid.

It is difficult especially in your career, or work environment; but something no one tells you is that even if you are nineteen, or twenty - some will still see you as a child. So let them, embrace the childish side of yourself. Laugh, dance, and throw yourself into new activities while you are still eager to learn. Nourish your inner child, and they will expose the parts of yourself that will keep you young.

Leave the shitty job, drop out of school or throw yourself into your passion. I am not saying throw all caution to the wind, but listen to your intuition, and don't be like me.

I constructed my twenties, and late teen years around what "I should be doing ___" instead of asking myself "is this what you desire to be doing?". Train your intuition, and body to work with you instead of against you; and you do this simply by doing what you want, when you want, and how you want (with informed knowledge of course).

This does not give every narcissist the right to up and leave a conversation because it isn't suiting ones' 'soul purpose'.

No.

This is to be used as a direct indicator, to not give that strange human your phone number, or break up with the abusive person you are dating, or involved with, it is the realization to leave your own home in the middle of the night for fear of further threats to your life. It is for the moments where you are working for a non-profit that might just be embezzling funds, or leaving your job filled with benefits, and financial security because of the advances your boss continues to make towards you despite the rejection.

Your twenties are for crying, and you will be doing a lot of it. Just know you aren't alone.

By alexandra lammerink on Unsplash

I turn twenty-seven tomorrow on June 29.

I am writing this as a series that will be published on the twenty-ninth date of each month highlighting a chapter of my twenties. A brief narrative of what I learned, advice, and a metaphoric non-fiction summary of my own perceptions.

On July 29, 2021 'Chapter 2o' will be published.

Following on the 29th of each month until 'Chapter 27' ; which will be posted, and published on June 29, 2022.

For the rest of my twenties, I will be publishing a chapter of this series on my birthdate. In hopes that many of my readers will find comfort in their own journey, their mistakes, and growth.

In hopes that for those who are just beginning - know they are not alone. It is okay to feel all the chaos, love, feelings, failures, and accomplishments this life may bring.

You are valued, you are loved, and you are never alone.

I want you to know you are totally equipped with all of the gifts, tools, and lessons to live your very best life despite the various road-blocks you may encounter, or failures you may be forced to embrace.

Everything happens for a reason, nothing is coincidence.

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E L L E
E L L E
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E L L E

I live in the depths of detail, in overflowing pleasures, and in heartbreaking truths.

- A Cancer Sun Pisces Moon Scorpio Rising

Eternally lost without a pen.

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