You Never Know Where Kindness Will Come From

If you follow me, you know I write from time to time in a series I call "52 Guiding Lights." They are stories about life lessons. When I have enough (52), one for each week of the year, I will put them out as a book. I am over halfway there. Here's the last one, in case you missed it. It covered deception, lying, and lessons learned from the fairy tale “The Emperor’s New Clothes.”

This one (# 37) looks at where kindness comes from. Sometimes it is from the least expected people.

I came across an item online a little while ago that resonated with me.

A man’s phone accidentally rang during prayers in church. The priest scolded him. The worshippers admonished him after the prayers had finished for interrupting their silence.

As if that wasn’t enough, his wife lectured him on his carelessness all the way home in the car.

The man was shattered. You could see the disappointment, shame, and embarrassment in his eyes. He never set foot in church again.

He was so upset that night that he went to the pub. He wasn’t a regular pub-goer, but on this occasion, he just wanted something different to cheer himself up a bit. He was still a nervous wreck.

After sitting down at the bar, he accidentally spilled his drink; he was so worked up.

He waited for the onslaught of abuse to come; it didn't. Instead, the bartender gave him a towel to wipe it up and dry himself. The janitor came in and mopped up the floor with a smile. The female manager poured him another drink in the house. She also gave him a hug and said, “Don’t worry, mate; who doesn’t make mistakes or have accidents?”

He is now a regular at the pub whenever he feels down.

You'd think the priest and the churchgoers would show more compassion. Isn’t kindness and forgiveness a part of being a good Christian?

His wife also let him down. He regretted his accident and mistake. When he sought compassion from her, he only received more ridicule.

Perhaps, of all places, you might expect the least amount of compassion in a pub.

We all get caught up in life and the problems that come with living. It is easy to judge others and be unforgiving. After all, we are all human. Treat others with the care and respect you want for yourself. This is a key human virtue.

Cultures, philosophies, and religions promote kindness. This kindness builds a peaceful community. Most of us instinctively protect and show kindness to our families and loved ones. But what about strangers?

Scientists debate whether kindness to strangers is an instinct or a learned behaviour. Existing scientific insight into human kindness is murky and disparate.

Stress, self-focus, fear of openness, and social pressure often cause a lack of kindness. These factors can push people into survival or defensive modes. Modern society's pressures, digital communication, and burnout make people defensive and self-focused. It was likely because his wife felt embarrassed (self-preservation).

We even classify kindness. Genuine kindness (benevolence) is different from strategic kindness. It shows kindness while giving us a personal benefit or helping us avoid a cost. Then there is norm-motivated kindness. We are kind because it maintains fairness and is seen as the right thing to do.

Sometimes kindness is just around the corner, but we do not realize it. No matter the reason, the world would improve if we showed kindness to strangers first. It’s better than reacting negatively.  You never know their story, and everyone has one.

Till next time,

Calvin