You Looked Me in the Eyes

You looked me in the eyes. Directly into my eyes. It was a fraction of a second, but it was enough to show that your eyes were smiling.

Why was this a small win?

I was a wall flower, a nothing to nearly anyone. Other than my parents, no one seemed to know I was alive.

That was the way I liked it, generally. But, I had been watching you from a distance. I noticed that you help people. I noticed that you smile readily and have a musical laugh. You chat with anyone at any time. With ease. I wanted you to be the one to see me. And you did.

You looked me in the eyes.

I had contemplated that moment for quite some time. I had wondered how I could keep you looking in my direction. How could I, the biggest introvert of all, possibly hope to capture the attention — perhaps the desire — of a alluring extrovert?

I made myself a promise. If you looked in my direction, I would drum up the courage to talk with you. I PROMISED myself that I would follow through. This was a make or break moment to me. If I couldn't do this, I reasoned that I would forever be alone. There was no other way. It didn't even matter to me if there was a spark on your side. I just had to prove it to myself that I was worthy of a conversation. That I was capable of a conversation. I had to know that I could do this for ME.

For days, I willed you to look. You were wrapped up in your own world, with your many friends. I kept my distance, but I had to remind myself to breathe when your eyes scanned the room.

Not yet. Breathe.

Yet not again. Breathe.

And then it happened. You looked me in the eyes.

I breathed in a gasp. Your smiling eyes had made contact. Now, I had to follow through on my promise to myself. My palms were clammy. My heart was racing. I stood up. I slowly walked in your direction.

I lost my nerve and turned around. I froze. No, I would NOT break my promise to myself. I turned around again and came to your side. I said, "Hi."

You looked up. Your smile was even more enticing close up. It was too much. My eyes shifted down.

You brought them back up by saying, "Hi!" and telling me your name. You added, "Please, sit down." I complied. You said, "I was wondering if you were going to make the first move, or if I was going to have to introduce myself. I've been seeing you around for quite awhile and thought I'd like to get you know you."

I felt my eyes widen. You had noticed me too? I would never have predicted that.

I mumbled my name and then let you take over. You seemed content to dominate that first conversation, which suited me fine. You did ask me some yes or no questions, which I answered easily. I reminded myself to smile and look you in the eyes sometimes.

After that day, conversations slowly began to get easier for me. Looking people in the eyes eventually became second nature. I'm not going to say it was always easy, but gradually, I let myself open up to more friends.

Now, I smile more. I'm more self confident and happier.

It's amazing to me that we have been together for five years now.

All because you looked me in the eyes.