You Are Good Enough

Several times in our lives, we come to a point where we question whether or not we are good enough. We face different realities that make us stop and think about who we are, the decisions we make, and the actions we take. We doubt that we’re good enough for our families, our friends, our significant others, or society. These existential crises, as we call them, are a totally normal part of maturing and growing into oneself. No matter how unsure we are of ourselves, we must always find a way to affirm ourselves that we are good enough. We are not perfect beings, but we try our best. That’s what truly matters. We create a spectrum in our minds: what’s the best, what’s the worst, and what’s an acceptable “happy medium.” Everything we do ends up on this spectrum when we compare ourselves to others. We may not always be the best, we may not always be the worst, and we find comfort is being good enough. It may sound like you’re conforming or settling when you say you are “good enough,” but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Those of us that suffer from anxiety and depression, for example, find comfort in knowing that we are good enough. Being good enough is just the right amount of motivation for us to get out of bed in the morning and be content in our everyday doings. The point is that we have intent to do good, live well, and move forward. Our intentions speak more of us than the result of our actions. We may make “bad” decisions, but consider this: actions with good intentions, even if they yield negative results, are not necessarily “bad” actions. We are taught that as long as you try your best and act with good intentions, no matter what the outcome of your actions, you are good enough. Consider that mostly everything in this life is conditional. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and that’s how we grow. Growth is one aspiration we should all have in common. One of the basic purposes we all share in this life is to grow, to become the best we can be, and to pass on our knowledge to future generations. We should want our future generations to learn from our mistakes and to surpass our own successes. With that said, future generations rely on us to have confidence in the things we do. We must believe that we are good enough for them to believe in us, and for them to then believe in themselves. Positive affirmations are learned and passed down. We must speak life into our children and they shall live. Live—not survive. Live.

When we are young, we wonder if we are good enough because we are naïve and inexperienced. We have nothing else to compare to, because we have not yet lived. We develop a sense of worth based on what we are taught to be right and wrong. As we get older, we wonder if we are good enough because we’re constantly comparing ourselves to our peers. We are more aware of what society expects from us. We even put our accomplishments on a timeline because we have this notion of “if I accomplish this first, I am the best.”

We start to question ourselves, our worth. We analyze and affirm ourselves that, yes, we are good enough. Am I a good enough child to my parents? I take the trash out and wash the dishes. I’m obedient. I treat others with respect. My parents raised me well. I am a good enough child. Am I a good enough student? I turn my homework in on time. I work well with others. I ask questions when I don’t understand. I take good notes and study hard before tests. My teachers taught me well. I am a good enough student. Am I a good enough friend? I am kind and compassionate. I am generous and selfless. I give good advice and provide a warm shoulder to cry on. People say I am easy to talk to and a good listener. I am a good enough friend. Am I a good enough partner? I listen and care for my partner’s needs. I am loving and affectionate. My partner is one of my top priorities, before myself. I support my partner and give them advice on how to be a better person. We both benefit from the relationship. Everything we do is mutual, equal, and shared. I am a good enough partner. Am I a good enough parent? There is a roof over my kids’ heads and food in their bellies. I am teaching them to be kind, respectful, and honest. They may not have everything they want, but they have everything they need. They are my motivation. I am a good enough parent. Am I a good enough employee? Am I a good enough talent? Am I a good enough activist? Am I a good enough human being? There are a plethora of roles that we play in this life. The point is, no matter which hat we wear, or which role we play, we are good enough.

For the good enough children: If we try our best to clean up our rooms, even if they’re not up to our parents’ standards, because we tried our best, we are good enough. Don’t let anyone make you think that because you and your parents don’t always agree on the same things, or even if your parents themselves make you feel like you are worthless, know your own worth. You are doing the best you can. You are good enough.

For the good enough students: Even if we get a crappy grade after studying our butts off, we are good enough. We tried our best. Even if you don’t get the best grade, even if you don’t get along with all your peers, even if you’re not the teacher’s favorite, your academics are not a measure of who you are as a person. Remember, school and academics have certain written standards that are not necessarily realistic for everybody. Each student learns at their own pace, in their own way. Learning strategies that might work for some people might not work for you, and you have to realize that it’s okay! If something isn’t working for you, ask for guidance, or make up your own techniques that you understand that work for you. You are responsible for your own academic success. You are a good enough student.

For the good enough friends: If we are kind to one another and treat each other with respect, even if we have to agree to disagree on certain things, you are trying your best to be a good friend. Don’t think that just because you can’t solve all your friends’ problems, or even if you don’t get along well with someone, that you are a bad friend. Friends aren’t always meant to agree on everything. Be there to support your friends’ dreams. Be there for them when they fail. Reassure them that everything is going to be okay and that you aren’t going anywhere. When your friends achieve something greater than you, don’t fall into the trap of envy. Envy makes for toxicity. Be the hype man. Be the cheerleader. Be the #1 fan. Be the shoulder to cry on. Trust me; your real friends will always remember you were there for them. You are a good enough friend.

For the good enough partners: You and your significant other are going to have different points of view, disagreements, and arguments. These things are inevitable, but they are not impossible to overcome. Different people are brought up different ways with different beliefs; you are bound to have different outlooks on life. The important thing is that you communicate – and I cannot stress that enough. There are several pillars which are the foundation to a healthy relationship, and communication is one of them. Without communication, problems will never be resolved, feelings will never be known or understood, and progress will never be made. Try, try, and try again. And in those moments where you want to give up, try again. Never stop trying. Never stop loving. In the end, you and your partner need each other and will always find sanctuary in one another. You are a good enough partner.

For the good enough parents: Your kids love you more than you know. Yes, they may throw tantrums. Yes, they may cry over the littlest things. Yes, they will disobey you at one point or another. Yes, they will disappoint you, but you will also disappoint them. They need you no matter what. When they get in trouble, when they get hurt, or when they need help, just be there for them. They don’t need expensive toys or fancy gadgets. They need your unconditional love. Teach them to be good humans. Teach them that it’s okay not to be perfect. Set them up to achieve goals that you never could. Our kids are the future. Secure that future. You are a good enough parent.

Even if your story varies from the examples I’ve given here, it doesn’t mean you are any less of a “good enough” human being. You know your life, you know your worth, and you know whether or not you are truly trying to be the best you can be. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on what’s best for you. From a mental health point of view, sometimes we can only be truly content with ourselves when we focus on what’s best for us. That doesn’t mean we stop thinking of others and become narcissistic; it just means that we are making the conscious decision to get rid of anything that counteracts the progress we are trying to make.

I challenge you to analyze your life. Ask yourself all these questions I’ve proposed. Rid yourself of anything that is counterproductive. Cut out the toxicity that’s keeping you from a healthy mental state. Realize that it is actually okay to be selfish sometimes. Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. Your happiness is the one thing that should be above all else. Be happy even when it comes time to sacrifice something. One sacrifice might make you unhappy in the present, but it could bring peace to you in the future.

With all that said, I hope this message brings comfort to anyone that’s been struggling with their self-worth. Life is so much more than the struggle you are going through right now. Please, if you want help, don’t be afraid to ask. Know that you are not alone and there is always someone out there willing to add validation to your precious life. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. Remember: This too, shall pass. You are beautiful, You are grand, You are unique, and You are good enough.