Words of wisdom

by ToxiBera about a month ago in advice

short story

Words of wisdom
Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash

A lot of times no one understands.

And a lot of times things dont always turn out the way that we want them to and when that happens we have a sense of defeat, a sense of worthlessness, a sense of its my fault that it didnt turn out the way that we had wanted it to and on some occasions we tend to blame the other part for what is going wrong.

A lot of times we are so stressed with things that are going on in our own lives that we dont see the pain and suffering that our partner and our friends are going through .. For an example we will use me and some of my friends.

I have a friend that lives in Arkansas and a lot of times i dont really like to talk to her because she doesnt always like to listen to things that i have to say but would rather talk about her self and the things that she is having problems with. Because of this she doesnt see that when i need to talk to her about things that are going on with me are as important i suppose. She doesnt see that when she cuts me off after we have known each other for so long that her doing that means that she is causing a decline in our friend ship. And she wont know unless i tell her how she really makes me feel.

Friend ships and relationships are about the same but not exactly the same as well. Some times we as people are so self absorbed in our own issues that we tend to not care about anything else has to say and what we dont realize is that when we do this to people it ends up making them have feelings pop up that are now going to be worse off then what they already were. We will develop anger, hatred, or a genuine feeling of isolation and out casting.

If some one already has a hard time opening up to others and wants help but doesnt know how to go about asking for it. Its because in the past we have had things thrown at us that makes it worse. When we cant open up to people the way we want to there is a sense of longing, of feeling like a burden to them even though they may not think it the other party feels it.

And because a lot of people now a days only wish to see what is right in front of their noses and not try to get to the problem that is at hand a lot of times people just put on a false smile and we have done it for so long that it becomes a normal. And, having to force that to be your normal is NOT okay.

And, recently i have been helping a woman with some personal issues that i will not delve to deep into but what i can say is that the progress is being made.

Communication is lacking on a lot of parts in life. Family , friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and so on and so forth. Some times as a person we are so wrapped up in our own issues that we dont see the issues that we are causing for others in our homes. We dont see the stress that we are putting on our partners , our friends, or our family.

Now im not saying that this applies to every one but the ones that feel the way that i have expressed previously need to know some things.

A. They will never understand what you are going through unless you explain it to them and only if they are willing to listen if they do not want to hear it there is no point addressing it any further.

B. When it comes to any kind of relationship whether that relationship is with a friend or a loved one. YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!!! I know that a lot of us tend to think that if we give out hints that they will pick them up but that is not always true. For all you know they could be having a horrible day just like you and you saying things to them will only stress them out more.

Example: The other day i was doing good was feeling good but because there is a lack of communication between the girls and i , i have started to feel like as soon as they walk in the room my energy drains and makes me tired. Well one of them had said something in a tone / attitude that i didnt like but i didnt say anything and little did i know that that day when my lover got home having worked his butt off at his job he was tired and just wanted to come home to relax. But, because of the anxiety between me and his daughters it became into a fight. He didnt understand that i was just venting to him because i unfortunately have shut a lot of people out of my life. Because i didnt explain to him what was going on in my head and that i was just venting my frustrations to him we ended up arguing and he went and scolded his daughters. Which is not what i had wanted him to do. So later that evening i had sat down with him and re approached the situation in a calmer manner or as calmly as i possibly could. I explained to him that just because i said i feel one way about his girls does not always me that i want him to fix it. I explained to him that even though he didnt want me to say it over and keep repeating my self that he needed to understand that i right now do not have any friends that i can talk to and i vent to him not to stress him out but to release the emotions i have been bottling up inside because i am not feeling the best mentally and i have expressed to him that i love him and will always love him and even though i know that i say that i think we should think about breaking up i dont really want to. I am so used to being hurt from my past with people and friends that i had that a lot of times i dont know how to express what im truly feeling and a lot of times its uncomfortable to talk to him but i need him to be my support cause he is the only one i have. I dont have friends that make me feel as though i matter to them and i know that he is the same in that aspect and that i just needed some one to express my emotions too. That at times i need him to come and comfort me like he does his girls and i know his girls are extremely important to him just as they should be and after all the work we put in to get them there i didnt want to just send them away i want to work with them and fix things and get it better. But in order for that to happen every one has to be willing to talk and not just say that the problems they have are one way but when addressed they need to be addressed based on how the other one is feeling.

C. Here is a toughy that not a lot of people get most times either because they dont understand or dont know. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS!!! only a few people in the world has the ability to read minds and if you are not one of them then you need to start explaining and expressing things. No one will know how you feel unless you tell them. And if they think your a bitch because your finally telling them that your not happy with something that is going on and you want it to stop then they were really never meant to be there for you in the first place.

D. NOTHING changes over night. If something is going on that you do not like you can not just sit around and assume that if you do the same thing over and over again a different result will come about. That will be your first sign of insanity. Nothing ever changes unless you put forth the effort for it to change. That goes for friends, family, and relationships. If they dont see the effort they wont put forth the effort.

Example: If your toddler is acting up and you find that what you used to do isnt working any more then you need to switch it up. If you spank your child and its no longer having the effect that it used to stop and think of something else.

Example: If you are a single mother or a mother with a partner that isnt really helping you then you need to find out what the problem with your partner is and try to work on it before moving forward. If you are a single mother I understand it is hard and your going to get frustrated and your going to get upset and your going to end up taking it out on your child. What i want you to remember is that that child does not understand and she is still learning or he is still learning. Yelling at them and getting frustrated with them is not going to help you or the child the more you yell at the child the more it will freak them out and make them up set which will make them cry and make you even more flustered.

E: It takes time to show results and it takes patience to keep going.

If you dont have a support system its going to suck but im going to give you some encouraging words.

Your doing the best you can.

YOUR NOT a horrible mother because you need a break from your child.

Your not a bad mother because you discipline your child.

You got this.

IM PROUD OF YOU AND WHAT YOUR TAKING ON.

(( thank you for reading hope this helps please leave a tip if you like it and have a wonderful day.))

advice
ToxiBera
ToxiBera
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ToxiBera

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