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silence?

random talk, poem?, thoughts

By JadedPleasuresPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
please listen to the song while you read if you cant read then listen then reflect.

life seems to have become to desperate, desperate for acceptance, desperate for understanding, just..... desperate... families fight to survive to live in peace, happiness, to show love and caring. To many children have grown up not having the proper structure or grounding they need. Others were raised to treat others how they want to be treated and even though those they treat they think they are treating them amazingly when really they are not. Not a lot of people seem to understand that people have to deal with it how they can. This not having the ability to spank children because its abusive has gotten heavily on my mind. They dont learn and will have extreme problems when growing. Then there are those that have suffered to much to all they know is pain and were never saved, helped, cared for, or given the proper attention they needed.

Back then if we did reach out we were called drama queens, attention whores, made to feel as though us asking for the help that we wanted was to much for those to bare. But, were the first ones to come to us, the damaged, the torn, the tormented, the suffering, to help them, because we knew, we understood, and we give to much fucks to turn our backs on someone who is hurting because we too have been there and if we can ease the suffering of one then maybe those of us that help may feel just a tiny bit better.

Unfortunately that is never the case, even though we help even though we listen, talk, advise, help.. Deep in the back of our minds we still feel like we are the burden. because if we ask for help no one has the time. no one has the patience, and then its as though we sit and slip farther into the recesses of our own minds. cause while we are there. while we are in the Darkness. even though we are scared, panicked, terrified of any and all out comes. we find peace that no one can seem to give us out side of this darkness.

Because people put us off because we have hurt for to long, because we have had to teach our selves, we become to independent, we become shut out, we become so comfortable with being alone and uncomfortable with being alone at the same time. forever in our heads that we are like a tick stuck into the skin of the darkness. and even if you manage to get us out our heads are still dug into the darkness. and at this point, in our heads we never feel like it will stop. and that a flame hotter then a phoenix will only have the ability to make us let go. to finally leave what we have become so comfortable with even though it tortures us on a daily.

Because of the torment that we have been through hugs longer then two seconds is uncomfortable. kissing is empty and only a way for someone to get something that they desire. Compliments make us question if its true or just pretty little lies you tell us to keep us compliant. Deep down we yearn for commitment, peace, happiness, the love that we never got while we were children, we cry out at night in sadness and deep in our souls we scream for acceptance. But, we are to scared to let down the walls that have kept us safe from so much pain in the past that for the ones trying it seems impossible. like doing so would take a tremendous act of god in order to move what ever mountain we have with in our own minds in order for us to love you.

and i dont speak for others i try not to. many things about me are broken.. the only thing that isnt is my spirit.. and i am trying desperately to hold on to it because i do not wish to become something that i could have been. i dont wish to be so broken and so destroyed that suicide would be my only option. this world they way its going makes me sad.. immensely so, no one seems to care on the inside and what they show on the out side is a mask, its so hard for me to see the genuine traits in every ones actions. im to scared to trust any farther then what i am willing to trust you with. i know i am gullible i know im to quick to act, and i know that i am a person that has been torn down so far down past the dirt of the foundation and its going to take a lot to build me back up...

And sometimes i think thats what we all need... is to be build back up. to know that your right i dont understand what you went through exactly, that i will never understand how much it actually hurt you because we all cant fit in the same shoes or walk the same path, but we can parallel.

i want to help you. understand come to terms find acceptance and peace. and to be able to breath, to let it go, to forgive but never forget and finally feel like you have the freedom to breath. Not all darkness is bad... but not all darkness is good either. finding beauty in places where others would say it is creepy is not because they are downing you. they just dont understand the place that your imagination has created there for you in order to be able to accept what has happened to you and to help you or guide you slowly in your own pace out of that point. and into a far better one. it may not be a hell of a lot better... but the little better then where you were before will help you get to where you want to be through stepping stones..

and even while i tell you to hold out to keep it up. this i understand. It is FUCKING hard. you feel like a failure all the time you feel like you will never amount to anything not after what it was you went through. that your lost , your scared, you want to go home but you dont know where on this earth where that home is. and believe me i understand. i am with you. i feel where you are at and where you are coming from. i know you dont know me and you dont know what i have been through just like i dont know you or yours.

every one has their own horror story to tell. and its gruesome its terrifying, but no matter how bad, how gruesome, how terrifying it was. i want you to hear something...

I.....AM....PROUD....OF....YOU....

because no matter how bad it was you survived you made it your walked through hell kicked the devils ass and took a trophy on the way out.. i know you have a ticking time bomb in your head now. i know it feels like its counting down. but that is with in your own head. that is your ticking time bomb for when your going to have your next melt down. and unfortunately that will never change it will never go away. but if you keep moving up those stepping stones that your on soon... maybe sooner then you think... maybe later... you will be surrounded by people blood or not that love every imperfection, every flaw, and every single one of your accomplishments..

its going to be hard.. your going to be in your head a lot. little things will set you off, its going to be hard. and for some time you may be on your own.. but if you can kick the devils ass and only come out with some scares that will be with you for ever and resurface every now and then. then your doing One HELL of an Amazing job. keep up your amazing work. your steps . and live... your may not feel it because its all fresh.... but im going to tell you something maybe no one has ever told you no matter the situation....physical mental emotions drug or alcohol abuse ...

YOUR....FREE!

this is where you take control find what does and does not work for you.. and if you ever need a friendly reminder... i hope my messages find you when your in your darkest hour. and lift you higher... and know... that even if i dont know you....

I BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF YOU AND YOUR SCARES...

healing

About the Creator

JadedPleasures

Hello, Greetings, hi, Its been a minute. Just wanted to put a little reminder that my things are for 18+ only. Mainly because they are all Fan Fiction ideas that i write about. THATS ALL FOLKS!!

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    JadedPleasuresWritten by JadedPleasures

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