Why I Hated Beyoncé!

Have you ever met someone and for some unknown reason you immediately decide you do not like them? Maybe you exchanged a few words, or none at all. Or maybe you saw their character through their movements or heard some stories about them and instantly you start “hating,” literally. She’s extra, I don’t like her face, I don’t now why she looks that way, she’s trying to hard, she’s seeking attention, I don’t know why, but I just don’t like her. She rubs me the wrong way. The vibe is off. At some point in our lives, we have all been there. We meet someone in person, hear a story about them, see a video or photo, or listen to an interview, and we internalize the experience and draw a conclusion; I don’t like her, I don’t like him. Why do we do this? This person has not done anything for my reaction. Why do they have that effect on me? Is it from a past life? Is it really them? Is it me?

Over the years, I couldn’t help but compare Beyoncé and Rihanna. Beyoncé, beautiful woman, spectacular vocals, hood, stylish, private, talented, creative. Rihanna, island girl, unapologetically herself, free spirit, down to earth, sexual, confident, awesome. I’m sure you see where my preference lies. I always thought Rihanna was much cooler. That was when I decided, I hated Beyoncé. For years I listened to her music, loved her songs, jammed to them but when the topic came up, Beyoncé or Rihanna. Immediately, I would blurt out, I hate Beyoncé, she’s so fake. (Beehive don’t come for me) How could I hate someone I don’t know? How could I have such strong feelings toward someone that did nothing to me? Was I just being a “hater?”

Through my self-healing journey, I witnessed I had a strong dislike for Beyoncé. I never met or saw her in person, I’ve never been to a concert, I’ve only listened to her songs and watched a handful of her interviews. She doesn’t interview much anyway. Through my self-healing journey, I realized a few things, I hated Beyoncé because I lacked self-love and was vibrating at a lower frequency. I was insecure!

Growing up, self-love was a taboo topic. At home or in school, there was never a discussion around self-love. To love yourself was to be cocky, conceited, arrogant, self-fish, egotistical, or full of it. To talk about your self was looked upon as negative and because of that I walked around, unaware of who I really was, my likes or dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses, my good traits, and my bad traits. How could I love myself if I didn’t even know who I was?

Through therapy, several self-help books and journaling I started to discover who I was. That was when I realized I had similar qualities to Beyoncé that I wanted to unleash. I was an extremely private person but very hood undercover. I carried the stigma, a woman must be always classy, to freely express your true self is to be vulnerable and open for judgement. This was the side of me I didn’t love. I wanted to freely express myself regardless of the vision society painted for me. When I saw that quality in Beyoncé, I immediately hated her for being fake. I recognized her grace and class in public always; she held it together. I viewed that quality in her as fake because I was hiding my true self from others. Once I stepped out the door, I must be a “lady”, I would say. However, the reality is, I was hiding a part of myself and I hated it.

Today, I am learning who I am, and accepting all parts of me. I’ve recognized sometimes, we dislike others because they possess qualities, we don’t like in ourselves or maybe qualities we wish we possess. I realized I was just a hater, and I can look back on this with a smile because now, I know better. I am human, I am everchanging, I am growing and learning every day. While my self-love journey is ongoing, today I can look back and say Beyoncé is a Goddess walking gracefully in her path. And as for me, I am a Beyoncé fan, who is falling in love with herself every day.