Why Do We Resist Growth?

So I recently went through a period in my life where I felt insecure reading tarot for other people, which is part of my job.

This was because for some reason, I felt like every sign that came through the cards was directed at me.

I don't know why I thought this - I guess I was just insecure. The thing about me is that I have a lot of doubts about things. I'm very doubtful about my life actually, which may surprise you because I seem very confident, but I'm very doubtful. I doubt that I'm in the right situation in my life... with my career, with my relationship, with everything.

I think I do this because something in me wants to self sabotage.

My brain tries to tell me that I don't need to be in a good situation because something bad might happen. So if I take myself out of it, I won't get hurt.

I have a history with trauma and a lot of my trauma revolves around not leaving when I should have. So I think a lot of my doubt attacks me in that way, telling me to leave so that I don't get into a bad situation again.

I'm trying to prevent something from happening. However, the problem is that I don't actually know that something bad is going to happen.

So anyway, like I said, I went through this period where I was doubtful while doing my job, reading tarot. I was answering questions like, "am I supposed to break up with my partner?" and that would make my doubt my relationship. Because I was thinking for some reason, that question was for me.

I guess that's sort of silly, now that I think about it. I guess it just reflects my own insecurities.

Why do humans do that?

Why do humans try to get in their own way?

Reading tarot for other people as part of my job is making me money. But if I'm insecure about it, it's preventing me from doing it in the way I need to do it, which is confidently, in order to do it successfully and use my intuition properly.

I was getting all tangled up in my life.

So why was I getting in my own way?

I think there's a resistance sometimes to growth.

For example, my partner and I in our relationship have been doing a fuck ton of growth. This whole relationship has catapulted me into a whole new stage of my life, and through this relationship I grow every day.

(Same with through my business, which is something that I doubt, too.)

Also, this relationship is challenging as hell. And I think that scares me. But I also know that we're growing. We're doing things like watching a religious service every Sunday, we're working on self development tools, we're talking about mindset. Every month we talk about what went well in our relationship and what we need to work on in our relationship. It's a constant cycle of growth.

I think sometimes as humans, that really scares us. We don't know what to expect from growth. Growth is unexpected. It brings us to places that we never even knew existed. Places that we never even imagined.

It can be really terrifying to go to a place you can't imagine, as whimsical as it may sound.

I know a lot of us like to have control. I like to have control, myself. When we can't control the outcome, it's freaky as fuck.

I'm learning that I don't need to control the outcome and that my best life will come when I just go with the flow. My best life will come when I just live every day as it comes, and when I keep doing what I'm doing, which is growing and evolving. I need to keep pushing not only myself to be a better person, but also the people around me to become better people.

I think that's all you can do in this life. If you can help just one other person through helping yourself, then I think you've pretty much hit the nail right on the head.