"WHEN the dark night comes upon you..."

My path has led me here somehow to share my journey. For some time I have been living in the victim mentality and was resisting the shifts and hardships in my life. However, nothing lasts forever, this too shall pass.

Looking back from where I am now I had many points in y life that led me here. Some were good and some were bad. This makes me realise that this time, is in fact, just another point that if connected to others will be connected to the rest that are yet to come in reality.

The challenge and difficulty...I used to think that I was cursed, that I was not meant to be living like others, cause my life was about internal and external suffering...because I am not good enough, because I did something (may be in past life etc.), I would look for the meaning for everything that was happening "to me". My mind was looking for the meaning of it all. But now I am coming to realisation that everything in my life that I had experienced should it had not happened would not have triggered the deepest and most profound shift within me. The difficulty and challenge is what drives change. The difficulty and challenge are there to bring you to your truth, to who you meant to be in the end.

The darker the night became the more clearly I started to see the light with me. Life happens not to me, but with me.

St. John of the Cross said "when the dark night comes upon you...", what is interesting about it is that he said "when", not IF, but WHEN. Yes, the challenge, the tower moment, the difficulty will come to everyone in some way or another however, it will bring such gift that shall you accept it you will be so grateful that life has come and given it to you.

We like to compare our lives to others and thus the only thing that we reflect is that we are less than...we are undeserving, we are not good enough, we are ....name whatever. Such illusions! The amount of potentialities we have within us is enormous. All we need to do is to believe it is there.

Conditionings, thought patterns, illusions that we are carrying through life are ridiculous. God knows what else is there. Personally I have been doing a lot of digging. At first I was "digging" to uncover some "shit" to deal with once and for all, but now I realised that I was in fact uncovering gold. Gifts and power within me that is so precious, that has been there all along.

We all have that precious gift of life within that we were born with. The power that wakes us up in the morning, the power that puts us to sleep, the power that makes our bodies and tissues just be...with its complexity...what a gift that is. When I started shifting my beliefs and thought patterns I started to see myself and life in a completely different way.

I would not change a single thing in my life. The pain, the agony, the painful and dark moments when I was crying for some ray of light and change of fortune, had led me to a realisation that I am more than this. That life is more than I had ever imagined.

I was looking for external validations that time, I was not learning...the more depressed I was, the more harder life became. Why? Because I was not learning...The breakthrough came when I was "squeezed" and contracted emotionally so much so that I could not run from it anymore. I just surrendered and let my pain be, I embraced it in full its glory and surrendered. In silence after hours of tears I asked for help and in silence, help came. The more I listened the more I started to notice. I started noticing the good that was there all along. I was running from the beast within me just to realise that all it wanted was to say hello and be released. And the beast was not alone...

All my insecurities (buried deep from childhood that I never knew were there), all my distorted perceptions of myself and the world, all the beliefs of others about me and about life that I was carrying in me - all of them, those little beasts, came running towards me. One by one, I started seeing them for the first time. And for the first time, I started to let them go.

What a blessing in disguise. Through darkness I saw my true light. My true power and finally I started seeing clearly that there is more to life than I had ever imagined, that I am more than I had ever believed that I am. That life happens not to me, but with me.

Whichever difficulty you are going though now, believe that it too shall pass. And even though you cant change what happened, you can change how you go through it. Have courage and unshakable belief in yourself, that you shall go through it, and it will pass and it will, from now onwards, get better and better. All caterpillars have a capacity to fly, it's in their DNA, it's their destiny, but they all need to go through the process. A process of change. Let it come to you, embrace it and stop running away. Let life happen...with you.

Love and light,

Branchipod