What the Road of Self-Discovery Really Looks Like

You know how you find yourself in these deep, intricate thoughts that feel more like stories you're telling yourself and you have this big aha moment interrupting you mid thought that yells out, " Yoohoo, you should be writing this shit down!"? Honestly, I have those moments all of the time. I dunno know. Maybe it's just me. My brain is literally going constantly. I wish I had some kind of device thing I could implant into my head that would literally transcribe the thoughts that run through my head as they are flowing because whoa, like whoa. Sometimes I can't even catch up to them myself. Trying to go back and recall them to write them down, well, they've already mutated and twisted and turned like a hundred times. If we ever get the chance to become robots, my hand is up y'all! I swear my brain needs some kind of processor or something. That's my little sci-fi wishlist moment... You get used to me, I promise. Or maybe you don't. Maybe you just keep coming back because you find me interesting and entertaining.

Not only do I suffer from what I call 'racing mind syndrome' but I'm also a creative, analytical, and entrepreneur type. I usually just sum it up with calling it the ultimate eclectic type - or total unicorn. So imagine this: As fast as my mind is racing, it's also outputting creative ideas left and right and with the entrepreneur in me, I've got my mind and hands juggling a good many projects at one time which well is 1. Not very healthy for a recovering workaholic and 2. Counterproductive to my ultimate goal of living a life of simplicity. So at the end of last year, you know after everything hit the shit fan, I set out on a journey of defining clarity in my life.

Let me just tell you this has not been a straight path in any sort. It's been a lot of steps forward and a lot of steps backwards and even some side steps. Self-discovery journeys are more of a dance than a sashay. There's nothing leisurely about them. And when you're someone as complex as myself, there's a lot of knots to be untied and a lot of layers to be pulled back. Some of it is just life as well. Life is something that is constantly changing. That you can count on. And with it, everyone and everything is changing also. It's a little bit of give and take - see a dance, more of a tango, or even a breakdance, than the box step.

Each month I make a list of priorities for myself and I set my goals based off of those priorities and within a couple of weeks I find myself tweaking them. This is an example of the flexibility we must allow ourselves to have if we are going to grow. It's the space to bend so we don't break. Think of a tree that allows its branches to sway in the wind. We must be like that tree. Yeah, sometimes we'll crack. Boy do I crack sometimes. We all do, we're freaking human. And we aren't meant to carry the stress of the whole damn world. Sometimes it sucks but we bandaid that shit and let it heal and keep going.

I started out 2021 with my word of the year being freedom but January quickly taught me that my word for the year was going to tenacity. This year I was going to learn how much I can control my own outcomes. One thing I'll have to get comfortable with is change, making changes myself and accepting changes that come my way. I'll learn persistance. I'll show the year how much I can fight back and recover. The places where everything was taken from me I'll fight for new things. I'll be reborn this year and I'll rebuild. It won't be an easy road and I'm not asking for it to be. I'll proudly walk the winding, treachous path that is in front of me, looking at it as mine to conquer. I'm a warrior.