What's In It For Me?

Is it a good thing or a bad thing to be selfish in life? Selfishness is certainly a characteristic that most of us fail to master, that's for sure. In answering that question though, we absolutely need to be selfish in regards to many aspects of our life, but we also need to understand that part of our purpose in life is to help, uplift, and support others, therefore we also need to be selfless. So that begs another question, how do we get the balance right? Let's firstly look in what areas of life we have every right to be selfish in. The easiest way to distinguish where it's acceptable to be selfish is to firstly be clear on what our main priorities are in life, which should always be our happiness, our health, our goals, and our family. Family is a given, because we naturally want the best for them, and we will always do for them what we believe is in their best interest. We are always wanting to ensure that we are providing them with food, shelter, love, care, support, and the best life they can possibly have. As strange as it may sound though, family shouldn't be our number one priority in life though, nor even number two or three. They are indeed a very high priority, but there are another three priorities that we should actually place above them, and it's in these three aspects of life where we need to be more selfish. I'll explain why. Firstly, those three priorities are our happiness, our health, and our goals. Now, of course we would love to ensure our family is happy, but at the end of the day, we are all granted just the one life to live, and I think we all know just exactly how much effort and hard work it takes just to make ourselves happy, let alone other people. The truth is, everyone is personally responsible for their own happiness, but too many people make the mistake of placing their own happiness in the hands of others. They hope that by entering into a relationship with someone, or marrying someone, that their partner will be responsible for bringing them happiness in life, but much to what many people believe, that's not the true role of a partner. A partner is there to love, to care, to support, to encourage, to be loyal, and to be faithful to us, not to make us happy. Happiness comes from within ourselves and our mindset. When it comes to a relationship, effective and honest communication, compromise, and commitment will ultimately help contribute to our happiness, but it won't make it. Happiness is our own responsibility! So many relationships break down because too many people place their happiness in the hands of their partner, and when they don't get that happiness, they want out. That's not love! In fact, that is selfishness in a bad light, blended with a lack of commitment to enhancing the relationship. Create your happiness, and go after your goals, then if your partner is true to you, they will support you in your decisions, but it's never their job to make you happy. Hopefully you both have a vision in which you both want to work towards, and that's when love works at its finest. If you are placing your faith in a partner to bring happiness in your life, be prepared for disappointment and heartbreak, because most people will look after themselves first and foremost, and they likely won't sacrifice their own happiness just so you can have yours!

The last sentence I wrote above has a key message in it! We should never sacrifice our own happiness just to satisfy or please others, no matter who they are. Why should we live our life being unhappy, miserable, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and unsuccessful, all because we have to please and satisfy other people? That's not the way to live life! Think about the type of person you are when you are happy, in comparison to the type of person you are when you are unhappy? Guaranteed, there would be a stark difference. When we are happy, people will more likely want to be around us, we give off positive vibes, and we are cheerful, but when we are unhappy, well, who really wants to be around someone who is angry, frustrated, pessimistic, nasty, upset, and miserable? It's a little thing we know called "influence". As I said, if we are happy, then we are going to give off positive vibes to others, and that will in turn make them fell happier, but if we are unhappy and negative, then we are contributing to shift their mindset into a negative zone also, which is selfish in itself. When we are happy, we are naturally a better version of ourselves, and that's why happiness should be one of top three priorities in life. Happiness is a reason to be selfish in life, because we can't be the best father, the best mother, the best friend, the best son, the best daughter, the best aunt, the best uncle, the best grandma, the best grandpa, or the best work colleague in life, if we are not happy. We can't be the best individual that we can be, and be creating a positive impact on the world. Undoubtedly, it will inconvenience others, and they will arc up about it, but once again, we are all personally responsible for our own happiness. They need to sort out their own issues and problems to make themselves happy. There's no selfishness in creating happiness in your life!

Health is another priority because, once again, how can we possibly be the best version of ourselves if we are constantly sick and ill? I cannot believe the number of people worldwide who don't prioritize sleep and exercise in their daily routine. Sleep and exercise are always the casualties when it comes to people not having enough hours in their day to get their tasks and work done. So many people live their lives on just 4 to 6 hours of sleep each night, whilst many others spend so much money on purchasing take away meals, also failing to commit to at least 30 minutes of intense exercise each day. Our body requires at least 7 hours sleep each night, in order to effectively rejuvenate and recharge. If we continually sacrifice sleep, just so we can get more work done, over time, our bodies will begin to respond accordingly to this lack of care. We start to increase the risk of illness and disease such as obesity, diabetes, increased blood pressure, stroke, depression, heart failure, and a weakened immune system. Then, because we focus so much time on cramming in work, and perhaps some non-productive activities, into our day, we struggle to find time to even prepare ourselves some healthy meals, leaving us to resort to many nights picking up fast food. Worse again, we are not then exercising to burn off excess fat, build muscle, and ensure blood is flowing freely throughout our body. Clearly, we all want to be successful, and an overwhelming majority of us want to be prosperous also, but sacrificing our health in order to achieve success and prosperity, is not really creating success at all. How can we possibly go on to enjoy this success and prosperity, that we have created for ourselves, when we are constantly ill, or we pass away prematurely, courtesy of neglecting our health? Schedule in 7 to 9 hours sleep each night, at least 30 minutes of intense exercise, and prepare three healthy meals, packed with fruit and vegetables, each and every day! Look after yourself as a priority, because being in good health will again help you become a better version of yourself! There's no selfishness in prioritizing your health!

The final priority is our goals! This may sound a silly priority to many people, especially when they see that the likes of family, work, and money are behind it. The simple answer, what is the point in living if we cannot find satisfaction and fulfillment? What emotions and sensations are we going to experience in achieving our goals? Naturally, we will be happy, we will feel satisfied, we will feel proud, we will feel accomplished, we will feel fulfilled, and we will feel successful, all positive emotions. We have given our life purpose. Combined with our accomplishment, the positive vibes we give off from our emotions then inspire others. The funny thing is, it's not actually achieving the goal itself that is the reason behind the goals being a priority for us, it's the journey itself. As we experience many failures, rejections, setbacks, challenges, and adversities along the way, our character and will becomes greatly tested. In order to achieve the success we desire, we have to continually draw on our resilience, patience, perseverance, determination, creativity, and willpower to make it, and trust me, it's a lot harder than it sounds. It's this experience that helps us to learn, and the learning then helps us to grow, develop, and mature. That's what life wants from us, growth and development, not to be stagnant. We need to be constantly growing and evolving as a person, to again be that best version of ourselves. When we pursue our goals, we will receive a barrage of advice and criticism from others, who will constantly tell us what we should do, and will become agitated when we follow our own heart, because our decisions and actions inconvenience them. Too bad, so sad! We need to find that purpose in life, we need to grow and develop as a person, and we have every right to achieve the success and future we desire. There's no selfishness in pursuing one's goals!

So that's all the talk about selfishness, but there's nothing in there about selflessness, right? Just because we should always be prioritizing our health, our happiness, and our goals in life, doesn't excuse us from helping others. I mentioned the word "purpose" above, and within our goals, our purpose should always include a form of helping others. As a human being, we have an obligation to help others. I've said it many times before, but helping others isn't about pleasing them! It's not about adhering to their advice, their demands, or their expectations, it's about the acts of generosity, compassion, care, support, upliftment, love, and encouragement. It's those acts of kindness that bring a smile to the face of those on the receiving end. It's the act of giving without the expectation of anything in return. This attitude and behavior isn't in any way diminishing our opportunity to create success, prosperity, or happiness for ourselves, nor is it detrimental to our health, so why is it that so few people go about helping others then? This is where selfishness at its worst is found, as is greed! When pondering over a decision and action, there are five words that most people consider above anything else, and they are "what's in it for me?". It's a terrible human behavior, and sadly, it's such a common one. For many people, if they don't see any benefit, value, or profit for themselves in something, then they won't do it! Irrespective of who is the loser of the circumstance, or who that one person is left to suffer, most people will not decide on something, or act on something, if there no benefit, value, or profit in it for themselves. Why give money to someone else, when we can use it to buy something for ourselves? Why help someone in need, when we are struggling ourselves? Why volunteer our time to a local club or association, when we barely have enough time to get our own tasks and work done? Why should we support and encourage someone else to achieve their goals, when no one is supporting and encouraging us? These are some of the questions that run through our mind, because we feel hard done by people, and we feel hard done by with life in general, leaving us to feel bitter and resentful. The thing is, what has such a reaction ever achieved? It's funny how life has a way of rewarding and blessing those who reward and bless others, but for those who think selfishly and greedily, you will often find they live life constantly unsatisfied and unhappy, always chasing rewards but rarely receiving them. They do say, what goes around comes back around, after all.

By all means we should be prioritizing our own happiness, health, and goals in life, but there is no reason why we cannot commit ourselves to helping others also though. There is nothing to suggest that we can't do both. Little do so many people realize, that when we commit acts of generosity and kindness, we become filled with immense happiness and satisfaction, purely off the back of seeing someone's spirits be lifted, seeing someone's smile, seeing how grateful and appreciative that someone can be, and knowing that we have made a positive contribution to this world, no matter how small that may be. We need to be doing these acts from the heart, not out of expectation that life will reward us in return, because it won't, if we have such an attitude. From donating to charity, to helping feed some of the homeless on the streets, to giving money to an individual living on the streets, to volunteering our time to a local club or association, to helping an elderly neighbor with some jobs around their house, or whatever act we choose to do, we should do it with an attitude of not what's in it for us, but more importantly, what's in it for them! Even what I am doing on this website, I don't get paid even as much as a cent to be spending so many hours writing these blog entries, but instead, I do it to inspire and motivate others to find happiness in life, and to encourage them to achieve their goals. One great act of support that anyone can give is through helping and encouraging others to work towards their goals in life. Those who travel the road to their goals would well know the number of people who fail to support them, who criticize them, and who oppose them along the way, so to receive some support, encouragement, and help from someone is invaluable. Change your attitude and actions in life, and your results will change in the process. So focus on yourself firstly, and grant yourself permission to be selfish with the decisions and actions that are in the best interest of achieving happiness, good health, and goals accomplishment in your life. Secondly, commit yourself to random acts of kindness and generosity. Try aiming to uplift, support, encourage, help, and inspire at least one person every single day, be that through an act of generosity, or from genuine kindness, care, and compassion from within your heart. Success is truly created when it becomes less about "what's in it for me?" and more about "what's in it for others?".

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