Two Exercises for Talking To Annoying People

Technique # 1. Change your attitude.

When an irrational person attacks (with words), your first instinct is to hit back. But that won’t work. So don’t count it as an attack. Change your attitude by stopping and saying to yourself, “This is a great opportunity to exercise self-control.” This technique is very powerful because it changes your old script. Previously, you were a victim, and now you suddenly became one of those people whom everyone wants to be like: concentrated, clear-minded and not losing his cool under enemy fire.

Stripping you of your composure is one of the most effective tactics in an irrational person’s arsenal, and refusing to lose your balance is the best defense.

If you do everything right, you will transform from the supporting character that everyone laughs at in the movies — hiding in the corner, crying, whining, or screaming — into a real hero. The one who calmly deals with zombies, vampires, or, in our case, with madmen.

Not out loud!

Tell yourself again, “This is a great opportunity to exercise self-control.” Then shout or swear at the interlocutor properly — to yourself, not out loud! — using any suitable words. Then don’t do anything. Just take a break. You can silently shout at yourself. For example, say something like, “I didn’t give a damn about this self-control, let’s just mark this feature!” Then take a deep breath and repeat, “This is a great opportunity to exercise self-control.”

At this point, your interlocutor is already waiting for you to go into a defensive position and start screaming, crying, or running away. When none of this happens, he will be disarmed.

Now look your opponent directly in the eyes and say, bewildered, but without anger: “Well, well, well. And what was it? “

Look carefully. You will notice that the interlocutor became noticeably sad because the explosions of his verbal grenades did not touch you in the least. This will probably make him say something even more violent and hurtful. If it does, do the following: just repeat, “Yeah, that too. What was it?”

Flash on fading response.

Most likely, this will trigger a reaction called “flash on the fade out of response.” It happens when someone discovers that an old and tried-and-true trick no longer works. Instead of giving up, the person will try to increase the tension, even more, hoping it will work. Let the other person verbally pour out on you one more time. And then say something like this:

“I can’t say that I like your tone, but I still don’t want to miss anything: what exactly are you trying to convey to me?”

“Not your best performance, but tell me what you want me to do or stop doing so that this conversation does not happen again?”

At some point, if you keep your composure, your interlocutor will realize that wild bucking no longer works. Now you can turn the conversation on more positive ground. Even if you don’t get the chance to talk to a crazy person on that particular day, you will be proud of your behavior.

Technique # 2: Remember the mentors.

Fighting a crazy one-on-one is very difficult, but you can call for help from those whom you consider being your teachers in life. As soon as you feel the tension, think back to your past mentors and supporters. Stop and take a deep breath. Imagine that they are behind your back, and think about what they would tell you, what advice they would give. These people will give an instant boost of wisdom and courage.

1. When an irrational person hits your vulnerabilities and you feel that you are losing control of the situation, take a second. If possible, tell them that you need to use the toilet or drink water to stop the interaction for a while. Or just be silent for a few minutes.

2. Once you have paused the situation, think of two (or more) people who loved and supported you. It doesn’t matter at all whether they are alive or not.

3. Think about what you are grateful for. Take a few minutes to feel their love for you. Then imagine what advice they would give in your current situation.

4. Mentally thank your mentors (if you are lucky and they are still alive, thank them personally later).

5. Return to the conversation.

This works because it is impossible to feel gratitude and anger at the same time.

When you are filled with gratitude, the anger disappears, allowing you to return to the conversation with a clearer, more positive attitude. In addition, if your brain does not allow you to think independently and clearly, it can still remember the sensible advice of a mentor. And since the advice comes from those you love and respect, you are more likely to follow it.