Try to say you need more...

Struggle is not always bad. Actually, I’ll go as far to say I believe struggle indicates something better to come. I’d like to get into the habit of perceiving emotional confrontations in a situation the way my sister, at the ripe age of two and with her one tooth, perceived a turkey leg that was about as big as she was. My dad and I looked in the back seat at a red light, and saw that that turkey leg didn’t stand a chance. All she had in her hand was the bone and was shaking it like a rattle, grease all over her cheeks. I want to take on my struggles just like that. My faith, like that one lone tooth, and the problem won’t stand a chance.

I woke up 8/27/2020 with a discouraged attitude. Adulting is not so fun when you have a Bachelors Degree in English and it feels like you have absolutely nothing to show for it.

I walked out of my home around 9am knowing I’d be walking to a destination an hour away to pee in a cup - a drug test for a new job.

“An adventure” is what Teija, my housemate, called it, and an adventure it was.

I walked out of the door in a different state of mind than when I woke up. I got a job, a “J-O-Bee!” I got a job when many people are losing theirs and that is something to be thankful for. Won’t be putting my degree to use or making Bachelor Degree money but I decided to be thankful. Here are just a few things that give me happy heart palpitations

1. For my housemates,with their optimism, and wisdom.

2. Long talks about life with my dad and his words “I’m proud of you.”

3. People who have been where I am, telling me “you’re going to make it.”

4. HOPE..I’m not always sure where the heck it even comes from

5. @beryl.ama videos. “Beyond comedy” as a commentator perfectly said..

6. COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with almond milk

7. Sweet potato fries, dripping with butterr

8. Wild flowers

9. Memories of people I love

10. Naps during rain storms

As the journey began, the sun was not so strong. I knew on the way back, I’d be facing the sun which would be hotter on the way back, so I had my Django hat (pictured above).

Along N Hartley, I looked down at my feet to see the current trend of the day. I hoped that one day someone will look down at these same letters, and the frustration that put them there will be gone. #HopeMatters

Move along, soldier

You know what keeps me from whining?? Knowing how absolutely annoying it is when other people do it. I don’t want to put people under that kind of subjection, especially in light of the possibility that they may have worse problems than my own. Of course! It happens. But this day was just not the day for it. I decided today was a day for joy.

There are people who just decide to stop breathing, and would’ve been surprised to see how many people actually gave a damn while they were too busy putting love in a box to notice. It’s easy to put love in a box or let your pride decide what is love’s acceptable, politically correct form. At that crossroad, there’s a challenge to behold and the challenge is different for everyone, just please don’t run from it and if you get on the wrong train, it’s okay! Just get off, and get on the right one. It’s easy. Maybe just a little embarrassing.

As I kept walking, I found an escape for my eyes. I love Europe, and Pennsylvania is very Dutch. I looked to my left, and in response to this sight, I wanted an apple strudel.

Further along, I found a little friend among others, planted near a curb. I plucked him up, with the intention to plant him at home.

A few steps further, there were such beautiful homes along Linden Ave. and right on a corner,was the Lady Linden Bed and Breakfast. I paused there, observing the cute home, and after I considered it's cozy usefulness, I sent a picture to a dear friend who I believe travels for work.

Not far from here, I approached a woman sitting in front of her house about to smoke a cigarette. She smiled at me. I smiled back, and we exchanged hellos. I started to walk on, but I paused, turned and said “God loves you. Did you know that?”. Her smile got so big, my heart felt like it was laughing and crying at the same time. She nodded and confidently said “YES!, I know He does.”. She made my day.

I walked to the corner and a group of baby birds took off into the sky. They were so small, obviously just starting to fly, but they took off like fighter jets. I smiled as I realized what I was feeling. I was proud of them.

Immediately after that, I realized the sidewalk ended, but my path did not. It stood out to me. It was almost as if the street was passive aggressively trying to tell me “here, my dear, your journey ends”.

I literally have no respect for passive aggressive communication and told my obedient foot “carry on”.

Nearly at my destination, I got a break from concrete. There, before me, was a small meadow. I stopped to appreciate and breathe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Breathe in, breathe out ....

Confront your fears,

They’re prideful and stout.

Through the tears,

Receive JOY with a shout

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After my mission was complete, I sat down to eat a sweet potato I brought in case of low blood sugar. The irony of this last picture has never left me. You decide for yourself what to think of it

I left this morning to pee in a cup, and got so much more.