Toxic Positivity Versus Spiritual Hope

This is a touchy subject, but I feel it needs to be addressed. I’ve observed a great danger among spiritual and religious people who truly intend to be kind, and that during moments of tragedy, injustice, and difficulty exhibit what is called toxic positivity.

So you say, how could being positive be a bad thing? How could something good ever be considered toxic?

Toxic positivity has less to do with having an optimistic outlook on life and more to do with using feigned optimism as an excuse to ignore genuinely negative aspects of life, relationships, and the community at large.

According to one definition, “toxic positivity can be described as insincere positivity that leads to harm, needless suffering, or misunderstanding.”

For the non-spiritual person, an attitude of toxic positivity might be marked by phrases like “good vibes only.” But for the spiritual or Christian person, we tend to hide behind bible verses like “Rejoice in the Lord always,” so that we don’t have to experience pain–whether someone else’s or our own.

Toxic positivity perpetuates harm. Here are a few reasons why everyone needs to avoid it at all costs.

1. Toxic Positivity Is A Shallow Substitute For Hope.

The main reason toxic positivity is damaging is that it’s a shallow substitute for hope, and when you bring The Divine into the picture, the message becomes corrupted because again, it is a shallow substitute. It means nothing. It can serve to inadvertently hurt others and make them feel disconnected from us when they sense that we are disconnected from reality.

This often comes in the form of trite sayings, said with a plastic smile and dead eyes.

• Everything happens for a reason.

• The Divine is in control.

• Everything will be fine.

• Don’t worry. The Divine tells us not to worry.

• The Divine is the answer.

• We all just have to love him and love each other.

These sayings may very well be true, and the person saying them might have pure intentions. However, for someone experiencing a true moment of crisis, these pat responses delivered with a cheerful grin can be quite jarring and painful. They cause cognitive dissonance and can make people wonder if you’re even listening to them or even care at all.

Sometimes we think we’re conveying a sense of hope and optimism, when really we’re simply coming off as clueless and tone deaf. Hope and positivity are two very different things.

Hope acknowledges struggle and pain, while pointing to the promises that The Divine has given to us. Positivity simply tries to make the problem go away (or at least to get you to stop talking about it) by saying things that sound nice. And that can be very harmful.

2. Lament Is A Spiritual Category We Too Often Ignore.

Keep in mind, there is also a huge difference between lamenting and venting.

Lamenting is expressing your sadness and unhappiness about a situation often seeking resolution through prayer and meditation. Lament is a cry directed to God. It is the cry of those who see the truth of the world’s deep wounds and the cost of seeking peace. It is the prayer of those who are deeply disturbed by the way things are. We are enjoined to learn to see and feel what the psalmists see and feel and to join our prayer with theirs.

Venting is seeking self-righteous pity and self-validation from others through dramatic proclamations, by what you perceive has been done against you.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

-Ephesians 4:29

A common misconception of Spiritual people is that we’re always supposed to be happy and cheerful. Regardless of what you’re feeling, you have to act happy.

Anger, fear, outrage, terror, and sadness are often portrayed as enemies of faith, love and compassion. But they aren’t. They’re just part of being human. And when we suppress or ignore them, we often end up worse for wear because of it.

For example, saying:

“Gosh, I feel ick today, and I just want to huddle under the blankets and rest.” is more of a lament, as opposed to saying:

“I can’t believe Joe came to work when he knew he was sick and got me sick. He’s an irresponsible jerk.” This would be venting and you are judging Joe when you don’t know his circumstances. He may have thought he was not that sick, or he may not be able to afford a day off.

Life happens and it is okay to complain, but if the complaints pass judgements on others, it is not okay. But it is better to pray, meditate and give your unhappiness to The Divine rather than to seek validation through self pity from other humans.

That’s why we often see the psalmists giving full vent to their emotions—it helps. And not only do they express everything they are feeling, whether it’s “nice” or not, but they direct it in authentic prayer towards The Divine. Psalm 43 is a perfect example of this.

You are The Divine my stronghold.

Why have you rejected me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?

Send me your light and your faithful care,

let them lead me;

let them bring me to your holy mountain,

to the place where you dwell.

Then I will go to the altar of The Divine,

to The Divine, my joy and my delight.

I will praise you with the lyre,

O The Divine, my The Divine.

-Psalm 43:2-4

It’s healthy to be upset about everything that’s wrong in the world and in your life. The Divine allows that. You can express your negative emotions authentically both to him and to others. It’s Spiritual to do so. As long as you don’t hurt others doing it. Passing judgement is causing harm.

3. Toxic Positivity Suppresses Justice And Disregards The Experience Of Others.

Toxic positivity is a defense mechanism to keep you from feeling uncomfortable emotions, which is unhealthy in itself. But the thing about being emotionally unhealthy is that it causes you to hurt other people in the process.

That’s exactly what happens when you use toxic positivity to dismiss the experiences of others when those experiences make you feel uncomfortable.

However, when you use platitudes as a cover, rather than sitting in the uncomfortable moment of feeling someone else’s pain or being willing to do anything about it, you’re not helping. The truth isn’t helpful unless it guides action.

And the worst part is that we often do it because the feelings we experience are that of guilt and shame for not having done anything to help, or not knowing how to help. But as difficult as that may be, it’s still not an excuse.

This is what James talks about when he says that faith without works is dead.

Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?

-James 2:15-16

Take care that you don’t tell someone to be warmed and filled if you aren’t willing to give them a warm blanket and a hot meal. Don’t gloss over the pain of injustice, betrayal, or any of the hardships of life by reciting lines from greeting cards. In that case, it’s better to say nothing.

4. Have The Courage To Be Real.

And you certainly shouldn’t walk around like a basket case, unloading all of your emotional problems on any unfortunate passerby. We’re called to encourage one another, not to simply wallow in our pain together.

But encouragement isn’t the same as just saying something nice. True encouragement comes when we enter into a painful moment, acknowledge the weight of that pain without dismissing it, and then point to the hope we have in the Divine.

So, I encourage you to practice empathy. Be aware of your feelings and the feelings of others. Running from them or covering them with feigned positivity is to refuse The Divine’s grace.

And that’s because it’s the grace of the Divine that carries our burdens. The Divine carries the burdens of our sins. And he carries the burdens of every hurtful thing that we tend to hold onto.

Toxic positivity stuffs our burdens deeper into our backpack. Spiritual hope gives them to The Divine.

- Julie O'Hara 2023

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