Time For Discipline.

2 years ago today, I received a message from a relative I would have never thought of getting for at least another 20 years. I'm not going into detail, but plenty of people have been through the same thing or similar, loss of family. It's not special nor uncommon. The one thing that is uncommon about the situation is that I chose to respond differently. Many people, and with every right to do so, grieve and go into a depressive state of mourning for days.. months.. even years after. Some people never recover or cope with the feeling or realization that they're gone for good. That's just unfortunately how life goes sometimes.

Instead of going down that path, I thought about regret. A massive portion of my life is devoted to not regretting. I don't necessarily care for the outcome of the decision as much as I do making the decision in the first place. I would much rather try, and see that it wasn't for me rather than regretting with "what ifs?" for the rest of my life. I'm only 22 but I understand the consequences of regret once you can no longer have the luxury of making those options. Whether it's between going after a new job.. or trying to meet a girl.. or starting a new business, I chose to go with possible rejection or possible acceptance and at least knowing the outcome rather than never knowing the possibility and dying slowly with those consistent thoughts.

2 years ago sparked a change in my life that would alter my mindset forever. Although I'm tough on myself in how much progress I'm making every single day... looking back at it, I know I've come a tremendous way from where I was mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Earlier in 2018 I had lost a relationship with someone I figured would be the "end all be all" of life, I had lost my motivation for work, I decided to skip college because it just wasn't for me.. and 5 months after all of that.. I recieved the news my father had passed. I don't need nor want pity because I was never close to him but I did "eventually" want to mend the relationship that was broken between us. That was cut short, God had another plan. I was going nowhere in life at 20 years old, barely working a 15-20 hr/wk retail job and calling out half the time. I was raised having social anxiety and introverted traits, not allowing myself to push to higher levels of life, including jobs.. relationships.. income and especially happiness.

I was depressed. I know many of you that are reading this are depressed or have been at some level in your life. Depression doesn't mean one thing. It doesn't mean you are consistently crying or sitting in a dark room or having suicidal thoughts. It can, but it also can mean putting on a positive attitude every day, while having no positive thoughts or emotions in life. It can mean you just don't see life getting better than the stale 9-5 job and slaving for the weekend. It can mean you sleep 12 hours a day, just to wake up and want to sleep more, or that you don't see a future for yourself doing things you're happy at. That was me. I didn't have the motivation or the drive or discipline to push to where I wanted to be. That's why I saw this message 2 years ago as a sign.

I hardly ever talk more than I listen, I love to listen. But when I heard the news.. I knew it was time to kick my own ass in to shape and take RESPONSE-ability into my own hands of how I wanted to shape my life and how my life ended up. My father didn't push himself to higher levels, he was comfortable with the average. He was a certified mechanic, which undoubtedly is where I get my desire for cars from. But he never actually went into that field. He worked at a packing plant for lettuce, part time, and lived with his mother (my grandma) in their house until his time was taken. He never strived for change or making more of life than what he had. I never grew up with a dad figure like I wished I had, I don't blame anyone for that but myself for not pushing to get into his life more before this happened.

After I went down for the celebration of life with my best friend, I came back home to the bay area and kicked my ass into gear. I set up a goal.. which is still on my instagram to this day (@crazyboiispencer_) , my oldest post shows my goals over the next two years which is roughly where I'm at now. I have lost more than the 20 pounds I hoped to lose at the time, tripling that number. I'm now a daily investor, I work out routinely and eat prepped meals for muscle gain. I've learned how to work on cars, self taught a majority with the help along the way from some insane mechanics, all while building a traffic cone' Javelin in my free time. I'm working on video editing for youtube content in the near future. I've built my own branding, and soon the personal brand along with it. I beat myself up every single day until I realized how far I've come from where I was and how much farther I still have to go, but I'll enjoy the challenge. It'll bring me to the right doors, the correct opportunities and the hardest obstacles of my life. I lost my step plenty along these last two years and I'll be the first to say that! I'll keep making these stories updated throughout my life, and I'll look back at them in amazement at how far I've come still. I write these stories for people out there, any age, creed, race and religion to understand that if someone's already had your issues or problems in life, and have succeeded with them, then you can too.

Shoot me a DM on instagram if I made you think a little harder about your lifestyle and your dreams. I wanna hear the criticism, the compliments and all the above for what you thought of this reading. Many more to come soon as I get myself disciplined again! Thank you for taking the time to read this short update on my life and my future!

IG @crazyboiispencer_