Things I've Learned After Almost a Month of Social Distancing and Isolation

Social distancing and isolation, right? Well, its no big deal for us introverts. So, I pity the extroverts that couldn't endure to stay at home (no hate intended. I respect you.) Yes, you read that right, I am an introvert, and I'm blessed by being one. I see it as a gift.

What its like being an introvert? Uh, I fear social interactions, prolonged conversations with people I don't genuinely vibe with, I suffer from social anxiety which could strike at any setting (even in school, frankly, most of the time) I always have this fear of engaging into conversations with people, that's why I'd rather jump into conclusions than trying, I do have a longer pathway for processing stimuli, I find it complicated for me to mentally and internally process things abruptly without having the fear of being rejected. On top of all of these, I like being alone. I find serenity in silence. I find chaos in noise, and of course, in humans alone.

Most of the time, my anxiety forces me to talk to people even I don't want to just for the sake of paying my respects to them, I just can't. Deep down inside me, my heart is beating out of control by interacting with people. I'd rather talk to myself. (I do that a lot) Disclaimer: that doesn't make me a psycho, I'm just being self-reliant and I'm making my brain work efficiently. Because, I am the only one who understoods, what I understand.

All throughout my life, I've been misunderstood by people - just because I don't talk first, and hey, I don't even smile. I'm not a snob, I'm just being more extra cautious to whom I give passage to my own planet inside my head because it's delicate, and I must protect my mental state at all cost. If only you people could see what's inside our 'quiet' heads.

Here's an illustration of how I/we process things:

See the difference?

Social navigation, drains the energy out of me, No, it takes my soul away. After a whole day of interaction among humans with animalistic behaviors, it disgusts me. I would even ask myself, "Why on Earth did I waste my breath talking to that human?"

I also tried to rely on my former "toxic-so-called-friends" and alcohol just to snap myself out of this cocoon. But eventually, I got tired pretending to be an outgoing person (the hell I'm not) I also got worn out and bored with their company, truth be told. Because, they we're all shallow-minded. I no longer associate myself with irrelevance.

I've already withdrew from the world. And I'm happy with it. I stopped talking to people; I only talk to them when it's highly necessary. Yes, I send them a message on my Messenger app only if it's important then blocking them afterwards. Because, I don't feel safe, when people knows where and how to contact me.

I only want certain and small handful of humans in my life. As I got older, my time became one of my treasures and I'm no longer interested to develop another crap connection on both sides.

I'm okay with being different.

Self-isolation has been pretty eye-opening, a reset button to all of us

I've learned a lot of good things during the quarantine for it has also been a learning experience, "Life is short and good, so learn to appreciate each millisecond with your family, while they're still here on Earth with us."

I am currently not at home with them, I'm with my partner, Henry, and there's not a day that I don't miss them, most especially my Mama, I always pray and think of them before I eat and go to bed. I always ask the Heavenly Father to keep an eye on them, away from harm and sickness. My family is such a blessing. But I do sometimes, fail to show my appreciation and gratitude to them, because I am busy and away creating my own life. With this thought, my heart aches and lingers for their touch, thinking about all the sacrifices they've done just to give us, their children, grandsons and granddaughters a comfortable life, the kind of life they never grew up having.

I failed to acknowledge their support through everything whether it was a decision that they fail to understand, they stood beside us and rescued us. My mom has always been beside me to wipe off my tears when I got my heart broken, she taught me how to mend my own heart and scars. She taught me how to be strong. She fought my depression and anxiety with me.

Sometimes, I was even annoyed being close to them, day after day at home, we sometimes pick fights about the tiniest of things, arguments over some crap, sometimes even getting on each other's nerves, but this made me realize that they're the most precious thing I have, and that my love for them is so powerful that no anger or hatred would devour it.

I wouldn't like to live with guilt and regret.

I would let them know every day of their lives how much I love and treasure them, while they're still here breathing the same air as me. My family is my triumph.

I used this time to pamper and reconnect with myself - by doing things I'm really passionate and happy about.

Obviously, reading and writing are among the list. Good thing is that, I found a website where I could browse and digitally borrow books from an online library. I believe that there are two ways on how people are coping with the 'self-isolation' and 'social distancing' right now:

1. People who will sleep all day and eat what they want, and do non-sense things such as posting selfies or doing dance crazes and,

2. People who are going to use this time to be transformative to become a better, kind and healthy version of themselves.

I spend so much time to try understand and improve myself - in the core sections of physically, mentally and emotionally. To be honest, I have this gut feeling in my chest that I may be unfortunately bipolar. I am hoping with all my heart that I could surpass whatever obstacles life may bring with the right people as my backbone.

I thought about what I really want to achieve in my life, who I want to be, what do I want to do after I finally finish school. And so I did. I'm proud to say that I have now an idea on what to do with my future. But I am not obliged to reveal my next move to people. I also learned that not everyone needs to know what's going on with you. Most them despise you, and your dreams. Keep it to yourself. Privacy is important.

We have so much time for ourselves, why don't we utilize our time with things that could lead us to progression? It feels right, when after all of this is over, come out of it being a better person.

During this turbulent times, the new crazy thing I learned about people, with what's been going on with the world currently, some still lack with compassion in their hearts. It breaks my heart that they couldn't even ask a single soul how they are doing, are they safe with their families or just simply wishing them well and safe. As if they're unaware that people are suffering in different parts of the world, dying because of the virus, some even are on the process of grieving their losses of their loved ones, it is a mental deteriorating event. But still they continue with their ignorant, mindless, self-centered and heartless ways, they are the ones in need of further reprogramming.

Holidays, festivities and vacations are cancelled, quiet streets, empty subways, and vacant groceries. The world also suffers, it deserves a time for charging and healing.

The world isn't ours, our whole existence is a temporary assignment. Therefore, we are responsible of taking good care of our planet. During the quarantine, pollution has been cleared off and restored, and at the end of this, the world will heal. I'm hoping for the humans also to think differently and make new choices, because our actions will always have its implications.

Life alone taught me how to appreciate even the littlest of things. It is on how we spend our mornings, what we read, what we watch, what we eat and who we share our energy with. These will change our lives.

Also, my heart goes out to those who have depression. Please be strong, and let us be brave. It may be hard, but we have to keep fighting, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Let us work on ourselves, keep doing what you do best, love and do care for ourselves, and to those who are dear to us.

Lastly, Always pray. Trust me, it helps. It'll do you and your soul good.

How kind of you to stop by, thank you for reading!