The Trilogy of Essential Feelings - #2 Kindness

The “52 Guiding Lights” series is about life lessons. When I have enough (52), one for each week of the year, I will put them out as a book. I am over halfway there. This one (# 33) is the second part of a trilogy of key feelings: Love, Kindness, and Forgiveness. The first, "Love", is here if you missed it.

Kindness is contagious!

Sadly, it seems to me that in these times, it is a feeling that is decreasing. Dictionaries define kindness as "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”

You don't have to look far to see how it is lacking in so many ways in our everyday life. As a country, if we were to be graded on friendliness and consideration, I think we would score an "F." Here are three simple questions to demonstrate this:

- When was the last time a driver let you merge in traffic?

- When did someone let you go ahead in a supermarket line because you only had a few items?

- When did someone bring your bin in or help you carry heavy bags?

You may be an exception, but when was the last time you consciously did any of these things?

Kindness goes beyond merely being nice. If you think about it, wouldn’t you rather be described as “kind” rather than "nice"? Being nice can sometimes be taken as doing the minimum or something because it may be expected.

Kindness is a funny feeling. It is contagious. Think about “GoFundMe” campaigns or charity fundraisers. After the first few people donate, others quickly follow. Some might debate whether we help out of guilt or fear of missing out. When people hear about a situation, they also genuinely feel compassion and want to help.

When people see others donate in a social network, it sends a strong signal. Doing a good deed gives us a "helper's high". This feeling comes from chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine being released. These make us feel happy.

Here is a real-life example that happened to me last week. I was shopping yesterday at my hardware store for some firewood. I always take my two little dogs with me on outings. They love it, sitting up in the trolley as proud as punch. I struggled with an 18 kg bag of firewood. I needed to get it into the bottom of the trolley since they were in the top tray. The more I pushed, the more the trolley moved away because of the other bags in the trolley. A man walked up, clearly in a hurry.

“Can you move your trolley? I need to get past!”

“Sure, I am just trying to put this bag on my trolley,” I replied.

He didn’t wait for a reply; he just pushed past, bumping my trolley in the process.

Another man and his wife were behind him and saw what happened. He came up and held the trolley for me while I finally got the bag onto the trolley. He stopped, patted my two little ones, and I thanked him. No prize for guessing who got the kindness prize and who got the big foam finger!

In the car park, after loading my firewood into the car, I was about to return my trolley. Then, I saw a mother a few cars away. Her child was crying and causing problems because they didn't want to get in the car.

“Be quiet and get in the car! I have to put his trolley back!” she explained to her child.

“Let me do that for you,” I said as I passed by. She thanked me profusely as if I had done something major for her.

This example resonated with me on the way home. Some kind people are around, mingling with unkind people. Wouldn’t it be good if more people were kind in everyday life?

The Link to Love

The first of this trilogy, a few days ago, was about love. You can read it here if you missed it.

Kindness is love; love is kindness. Loving someone is, in some respects, the ultimate example of kindness. It’s being selfless, caring, compassionate, and unconditionally kind. We share love with others through kind acts such as a smile, a nice word, an unexpected deed, or a planned surprise.

One small kind act can cause a ripple effect that impacts an entire community. If we all focus on being kind, we create a movement of change.

Small acts of kindness help to relieve stress and tension in others. That has to be a good thing, especially in these troubled times. It makes our lives and others' lives better.

Till next time,

Calvin