The Trilogy of Essential Feelings - #1 Love

For the few of you who follow me, you will know that I write from time to time in a series that I call "52 Guiding Lights." The last one I did was a little while ago. You can read it here:

They are stories about life lessons. When I have enough (52), one for each week of the year, I will put them out as a book. I am over halfway there. This one (# 32) is part of a trilogy of key feelings: Love, Kindness, and Forgiveness. I’ll write about the other two over the next few days.

Last week I wrote a poem called "What Is Love." In part, it was the inspiration for this story.

"Love" is a word used in many settings to express emotion. “I love coffee,” “I love playing football,” “I love my girlfriend/wife."

If you said to your partner, “I love you just as much as I love coffee,” you had better duck for cover!

In a relationship, we are looking for love that is special, unique, and dedicated. Sometimes, over many years, we start using this word in place of more apt words like “I really like” or “I enjoy so much." This leaves the word “love” for a more special and meaningful expression of a feeling.

True love is more than a feeling, a sensation, or something you just say to please. So, what is it?

The Bible (1 Corinthians 13:4–) tells us that love is pure and never hurtful. It also says nothing else matters. You can be a good person, but that doesn't matter if you are not open to love.

Love is an active choice. It's about nurturing someone else's well-being, growth, and happiness over time. True love isn't just a fleeting feeling. It's a commitment based on empathy, respect, and selflessness.

Love is not some second-hand emotion. In fact, it's not an emotion at all. It's a very deliberate act. It can be hard work and very painful. Love can also be incredibly painful, but love, and only love, is what makes the world a better place.

In a religious sense, we are guided to love the world and all the people in it. I can’t do that. I would be lying if I said that I love all people, because I don't. I can't love anyone who harms others, especially those who kill children or rape women for selfish reasons. Their actions cause deep pain and upset, although true love values their joy and celebrates their success. True love mourns their losses and feels their pain.

When I was younger, one of my favourite songs was “I Want to Know What Love Is,” recorded by Foreigner. The second verse in particular always struck a chord with me:

"Now this mountain I must climb

Feels like the world upon my shoulders

Through the clouds, I see love shine

It keeps me warm as life grows colder"

Love can be very fragile, just as people can be. Therein lies its beauty. It is like the most precious of possessions and has to be treated as if it is rare.  In reality, true love is rare.

Love is other-centered and deliberately so. True love embraces the people in your life who are important to you.

True love is the sincere desire for the well-being of someone else. We love to different degrees; I love my family, but not in the same way I would love my wife. I love my two little dogs, but that is also different.

I've always defined love as "never having to say sorry." Life has shown me that this is not a good definition. Many times, I have had to say sorry to people I love (or, in my mind, genuinely love). I now try not to define it. I know it is a unique feeling. I have come to realise that true love does not die. Many times, I have thought I was in love in a relationship. Eventually, it did not survive.

My wife and I have been together for over thirty years and married for twenty-eight. We have had problems and are currently separated, but we are working on that. I have never abandoned her. I have always tried to do the right thing, although clearly, I have often failed. I put her and her happiness first and will do everything I can to make her life better. To me, that is love. It does not need to be said; it needs to be shown.

In terms of my two little dogs, all I can say is that there is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. If you want to experience true love, a dog will show you every time.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

~Morrie Schwartz

Till next time,

Calvin