The Sun Still Rises

This photograph is much more than a pretty landscape. It’s a beautiful reminder of self-care during the craziness going on around us. Being in nature is a great way to clear your mind. You can take in the view, listen to the birds, and clear your mind. Fortunately, I live in sunny Southern California and with the neverending supply of gorgeous scenery, it’s only obvious that hiking would be one of my favorite pastimes. More than that, it has become a nightlight in the dark tunnel of this pandemic.

With everything going on in the world, life can get overwhelming. The world has become a balancing act of daily routines, protests, remaining more socially aware, transitioning to online classrooms, and dealing with our own mountains all while either working from home or not working at all. It’s safe to say that all the added stress can make you feel overwhelmed and helpless. Lord knows that’s how I’ve been feeling.

Being cooped up in my apartment, alone with my thoughts, was causing me to think long and hard about my life, career, and relationships. Not having my friends able to come over for our usual glass of wine while venting about life’s problems had caused me to confide in my houseplants. I found my empathetic tendencies causing me to have anxiety while doing anything, but especially watching the news. I was starting to feel the walls move closer to me and the walks around the neighborhood didn’t make things any better as parents bring their children close to them to avoid even saying hello, let alone give some sort of interaction. The world was feeling dark and scary. Would this be the “new normal” medical experts have been talking about? How long until we can go back to our regularly routined lives? Why do I find myself missing work? After weeks of isolation and long, drawn-out conversations with houseplants, my city had begun relaxing our shelter in place guidelines to allow people to spend more time out of the house. I took that as a green light to go for a hike.

It was another restless night, so I found myself awake at 3 am. I took the opportunity to make my first post-quarantine hike a sunrise trek. I packed my water and favorite book and made way to my favorite place in the world. It was as if nothing was wrong in the world. I was still alone with my thoughts but this felt different.

They were welcomed.

They were encouraged.

I got to the perfect spot to watch the sunrise. I opened my favorite book, Tyler Gregson’s Chasers of the Light, and mumbled the text in the glowing dawn. As I heard the birds sing good morning and breeze carry the scent of wildflowers, I pulled my phone out for the first time since I left my home and took a picture.

This photo reminds me of this moment. When I forgot all about what’s wrong with the world. When stress seemed insignificant. When Life’s problems were carried away with the breeze and the walls I unknowingly built while in my self inflicted bell jar crumbled with a sigh of relief. Gregson’s poem echoed in my head as I climbed back down to reality. The poem encourages us to “find the bright spot in the dark clouds,” and to “listen for the birds when the wind picks up…” At that moment, his text felt like a prayer. This photograph reminds me of the prayer begging me to “find the grace” in life, no matter how overwhelming it may be. We have to take time to escape the stress and craziness to regroup and better endure. We need to find our reminder that no matter how dark the world may get, the sun still rises.

Find the positivity. Find the grace. Find it and hold it and cling to it like it is your lifeline and only breath of air before everything sinks. Find the silver linings. Hold them in your lungs and search for them in the bubbles and rubble of all that pours down around you. Find the bright spot in the dark clouds, listen for the sounds of the birds when the winds pick up and tear down the house around you. It is there, shhh, it is there, it is always there and it is waiting for you to reach out with both hands, bloody and shaking, and hold tight to it like it is the last thing you will ever learn how to let go. Find the glory, the glory through the ache, and understand that it is what we can endure that defines who we become. That it has never been about the punches we can throw, but the punches we can absorb and still stand up from. It is the standing up, it has always been the standing up and the refusal to lie still and quiet as the numbers count towards ten and the knockout becomes complete. Rise my soul, rise through the flame and the ash, rise through the waters that fill the spaces under your arms as the crawl towards your throat. Rise and find the grace, for it is all around you. Find it. Find the grace.

- Tyler Knott Gregson