The Subtle Meaning Behind Obtrusive Thoughts

Before I begin saying anything that may or may not be of substance, I would be remiss if I didn't leave a disclaimer here for everyone to see in plain text.

I am a self doubting, flawed individual.

The reason I'm saying this upfront is because you probably have no preconceived notion of who I am. To you, I'm just another monotone voice in your head, reading aloud some empty think piece that says nothing of substance while trying to sell you on some multilevel marketing campaign. That's why this is such a great starting point. You won't say "B-but Lou, you're so smart and confident. Don't say bad things about yourself." The fact that you've read this far means you at least have some interest in what I have to say as an intangible voice. And that voice has to say this.

I am a self doubting, flawed individual.

No I'm not always dressed head to toe in black noticing a rain cloud on a sunny day, nor am I a self proclaimed nihilistic misunderstood genius who is the only one who sees the world for what it truly is. I am a living, thinking human who deep down knows what he wants.

And I mean deep down.

Have you ever been in the middle of a boring conversation and thought, "Gee wiz, I wonder what would happen if I socked him in the face right now?" only to immediately recoil in horror at the thought of punching your own grandfather? Well, maybe not that particular circumstance, but these types of intrusive thoughts are called, well, "intrusive thoughts." We all have them. I should jump off this staircase. Maybe I should kiss the mailman right now. I should chop off one of my fingers. Absolute nonsense. but what about those intrusive thoughts, always lurking in the depths of your subconscious thoughts lying low until Saturday night comes around only to run a blitzkrieg attack all thought your brain while you're preoccupied with the stale taste of cheap beer.

I should text her right now.

Yes the most dangerous off all intrusive thoughts, the drunken ideas. The only thing that separates a drunk adult and a 5-year-old child is the means to do whatever idea you have at the moment. While common practice is to lock up your phone if you are prone to this kind of behavior, I believe in a sense, you are restricting an important part of yourself by doing this. By absolutely no means am I saying you should down a handle of Vodka and buy a life size Darth Vader statue, but maybe take a minute and think about those uncontrollable urges and make a note to reexamine them at a later point in mind. Your repressed subconscious is very much a part of you and keeping those thoughts repressed will cause them to come up one way or another.

Or maybe not.

I can't say any of this for certain. I'm a 22-year-old who would rather spend a Friday night writing down his stream of conscious thoughts than make an attempt to fix my insecurities by socializing, but that's exactly why it needs to be said. No one should be pressured into associating negative thoughts and feelings with trying to understand who you are, and in order to truly know yourself, you can't allow your negative thoughts to label who you are. Be curious about yourself and love the person you find in there.

It was like trying to hide his own shadow underneath his shoe. You can't run away from a truth that only you know ~ "Back by Midnight"