The Rise & Fall Of The Young Pretender

I screw up. It's true. Even when something is supposed to be foolproof I would bet money that I can screw it up.

What about you? Have you ever started a challenge thats supposed to change your life for the better and even though everything is laid out for you step by painful step, you still manage to screw it up and stray off course? In the blink of an eye everything has changed and you find yourself rushing headlong straight into the gaping arms of disaster.

Something insignificant throws you off track. It doesn't really matter what it is. It could be something really random like seeing a haunting picture of a Barn owl on the internet or getting some spam email that threatens to transform your life, if, but only if you watch this one time only live webinar right now. Click here.

Suddenly your whole world starts to collapse. You can't do what you are supposed to. Instead you run around like a headless chicken putting out small fires whilst your house is burning down. Everything else but changing your life for the better suddenly seems super important and it's game over before you even truly start it.

You never get to give your best to the life changing programme and all your good intentions count for nothing because you lost once again. The webinar was crap and the only winners were Ben & Jerry your two best friends who kept you company as you watched an insanely salesy webinar waiting for the real life transforming material that never emerged.

Trust me, I hear you. I would be so successful if only I could just get out of my own way and stop looking at Barn owls, things would be so much better.

Recently I experienced the exact same situation as I've just described. I was following a coaching course by a super big name writer designed to take losers like me and change them into winners.

All I had to do was set a minimum viable commitment of time and show up and write each day.

First I thought I'd aim for 20minutes a day. It seemed reasonable. Jeez, it takes me 20 minutes to wake up, have a pee and make coffee in the morning. God, I was so wrong! On day three I realised it just wasn't going to work. I had been a little too ambitious and overestimated how many things I could do in a day or how often I checked out haunting pictures of Barn owls. You see, I'm used to being busy. I'm used to having a million and one things to do. All of which make me super busy but not super productive.

I'm not used to deciding what is the major priority, what is going to have the most impact and move me forward. Yes, I've read the books, watched the videos and got the T-shirt but I've never succeeded in consistently putting things into practice. As a result I never ever develop the super duper new success routines or habits that you read about in the personal growth books. The ones the uber successful millionaires have. The ones that will support change for the long term and help you to create a new life. Nope. Not me. I just keep planting the same shit over and over again. And you know what happens when you do that? The soil gets toxic and nothing good can grow, it also get's pretty smelly.

I know it's really important to cultivate your garden, feed it, tend it, and rotate your crops. Which is why I decided it was time to change and that this time things would be different. However the Old Girl who's my CEO had a different agenda.

The Old Girl

The Old Girl in charge of me is super strong and to say she has a lot of power is an understatement. She is phenomenal! Seriously, you wouldn't want to mess with her, especially not when she's got the bit between her teeth. If I said she was a bit of a tartar to say the least it would be the under statement of the century. The Old Girl's been in charge of me for a long time and as she says she has got me this far so shut up and butt out.

I may not like her methods but I'll give her her due, she has kept me alive thus far and for better or worse I have always survived. As she quite rightly points out, it would be really stupid of her to hand over power and control to some young wanna be upstart who passes by. She's seen plenty of them come and go, none of them have ever stuck around. Some looked like they had potential but in the end all their new fangled ways amounted to nought. Just a big, fat, diddly squat. Here today, gone tomorrow. Full of bright new ideas that are going to change my life for the better but they didn't. She's given them all a chance and every single one of them disappeared, they skulked off into the night without so much as a by your leave. Leaving her to pick up the pieces of my pathetic and miserable life.

When I failed to sit down to write this morning it was no big shock to me or the Old Girl. I made all the right noises and I promised to do it later, even though I knew I was just lying to myself and there wasn't a cat in hell's chance of that happening. Meanwhile the Young Pretender who was over seeing the writing project and ergo my meteoric rise to success was nowhere to be seen.

It galls me to admit it but the Old Girl was right. Failure was inevitable.

The Rise of the young Pretender

When I chose to make more coffee, check out a photo of a Barn owl and put a load of washing on instead of getting on with my writing task I could almost hear the old girl gloating. A smug smirk on her face that screamed "Loser! Told you so. Told you that you wouldn't be able to change. Told you that young upstart was just another wanna be. Her smile deepened and she positively glowed with smug satisfaction. Until that is, the Young Pretender popped up.

"Just hold on there you old fart," she yelled. "I'm not done yet."

Well I was shocked to my core but I thought hang on, I'm not getting between these two. I'm just going to let them battle it out for a while. Although, I did indicate that I was firmly behind the Young Pretender and willing to support her to the best of my abilities. So I toddled off and grabbed an egg sandwich. I was just going to bite into it when to my surprise I got the all clear from within to sit down and start to write once more. You could've knocked me down with a feather.

I was so happy that the Young Pretender was on the move and that at last my life was going to change for the better.

Alas my joy was short lived and I was soon tucking into my egg sandwich watching from the ring side as the battle began. The Old Girl was hot on the heels of the Young Pretender and I could hear her screeching at the top of her voice,

"So you wanna be CEO do you. You think you can swan in here and run the place do ya? Well let's see how you handle these because you're gonna get plenty of them."

Wham! The first jab landed on my chest. It was a good one: A monster doubt was unleashed. I hate doubts. They are so, so... so debilitating.

Within a nano second of sitting down I could feel myself wavering, I was losing the will to write and I couldn't stop myself from stuffing the egg sandwich into my mouth and heading to the fridge in search of Ben & Jerry ice cream. But the Young Pretender stood firm and I was still in the game. My legs were like jelly and a large spoon of ice cream was making its way towards my mouth but we were still in the game.

Wham! Jab two. Right into the solar plexus: A monster excuse that is a huge part of my programming: I am a busy person. I'm too busy to make any proper progress.

Ouch! That one hurt. The Old Girl knew all my weak points. The Young Pretender was beginning to weaken. Another nano second flashed by and in came jab three.

Wham! Jab three landed right into my kidneys. It was a nasty blow, a real sneaky one straight into my weak spot: I'm the person who doesn't follow through or commit 100% so I always have an excuse when I fail, even if I am in a programme that tells you exactly what to do!

It was a savage blow and I could feel the Young Pretender buckling. I tried to hang on and type a few words but it was too late. The Old Girl could smell victory and nothing could stop her now.

Boom! In came the right hook.

"I can't do this. I am a failure."

That was it. My ultimate fear had been unleashed. The Young Pretender was overwhelmed and was losing her power. The Old Girl was too strong for her and I hit the deck and Ben & Jerry's hard. I was out for the count but was it game over for the Young Pretender?

Round 3: Game Over?

I was dazed and confused. I'd lost clarity and direction and I was feeling really sick, although part of that was due to stuffing my face with an egg sandwich, half a tub of Ben & Jerrys and washing it down with black coffee. I wasn't sure I could get up again or if I would ever see the Young Pretender again. I only knew I felt icky and I didn't know what to do with these feelings or how to save myself.

I took myself out of the fight and put on another pot of coffee. I tried to rationalise an irrational emotional situation. I took a sip of the warm bitter coffee and mulled it over. I knew if I was ever going to change my life I needed to have a really uncomfortable conversation with the Old Girl. One I should have had a long time ago.

I still felt a little groggy and I wasn't sure it was going to work but I needed to try. So me and the old girl had a very uncomfortable heart to heart. I thanked her for looking after me and doing a great job till now. I acknowledged her concerns about the Young Pretender not being ready for the job and I agreed she wasn't ready. I knew the Young Pretender was still a bit green but I thought she had potential and maybe just maybe if they worked together everything would work out fine. A perfect blend of old wisdom and new innovation.

The sap is rising

I thought I was getting somewhere and I could feel the Old Girl softening. It wasn't easy for either of us and we both felt very emotional. There were tears. Tears of relief, tears of sadness and tears of joy. So many tears that I didn't notice the rising sap of the Young Pretender. In the blink of an eye she had seized power and was firmly in control. Before I knew what was happening I was sitting down frantically tapping away. It didn't last long.

Rain stops play

Ask any Wimbledon enthusiast and they will tell you there is nothing more frustrating than a heavy downpour that stops play. And so it was that no sooner had I started my writing exercise than I had to stop.

I really did have to start my day job, there was no escaping that. Now I really had run out of time to write.

The Old Girl gave me a knowing wink and smiled smugly. Whilst the Young Pretender looked like the cat who ate the cream as she basked in her victory.

It troubled me that the Old Girl looked so smug, so I took a minute to stop and think.

I looked back over the morning. I had to acknowledge that the Old Girl had played a good game. In fact now that I really, really thought about it, I had spent my morning caught up in a drama of my own making. I wasn't calm and committed and focused on writing because I was too busy putting out fires, procrastinating, eating, drinking, checking photos of Barn owls and watching the drama of my life unfold.

The Young Pretender stopped in her tracks as the cream turned sour and a slow realisation dawned. She had just played a master and the master had won.

Game Set & Match to the Old Girl.